The Body

Remember this post where I announced I wanted to be a massage therapist? I've changed my mind. It is too expensive and going back to school is time consuming. But, I wasn't completely off b/c I wrote:

"...I would be a mini guru of things relating to the sacredness of the body, which is something I feel very passionate about."

I still do feel very passionate about the body. I wrote that post in Sept. 2010 but, the revelation came one night in December 2009 when I was 8 months pregnant with Vince. I can see myself kneeling in our bedroom. I was alone and praying out loud which is my absolute favorite. For some reason I felt prompted to pray about my future career which was odd to me b/c I hadn't been thinking about that recently. 2 other things came to mind besides massage therapy- Pilates instructor and childbirth educator. When I sought for specifics the answer, "Do what you feel passionate about" came to mind. In recording this event in my journal I wrote:

"The Lord knows my interests and passions and wants me to be happy as I figure out how to share my passion and happiness with others."

My good friend Cassie introduced me to the idea of health coaching last June. It resonated with me but, I was pregnant and the timing felt off. As I prayed about whether or not I should do it after Zeke was born, that December night came to mind and I realized this was the answer to that prayer. Health coaching relates to the sacredness of the body!

So, I am now a personal health coach! I have my first client and already it is so fulfilling to help her achieve her goals. I can only imagine that joy increasing in the months to come as we see her progress.

Here is my website. Friends, will you please take a look at it and then pass my info onto anyone you know who has struggled with their weight and/or wants to learn to be healthy for the long term? I decided to work for this company because they focus on support. People who have been overweight for years need encouragement and support and tools to make behavioral changes. I help provide that for my clients. AND, if you yourself are interested in becoming a health coach, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at: sprklyblue@gmail.com My birthday is next week- think of it as an early birthday present for me :)

It feels good to be working on some personal development that allows me to be Deanna, and not just Mommy right now. Also, an added plus that I can help pay down our pharmacy school loans doing something I love. This is exciting! I'm grateful for answered prayers!

Postpartum

Zeke will be 2 wks tomorrow. It has gone by in a blur. I found out why I was in so much pain. One of my stitches (or maybe more) tore. Too bad I called about it on a Saturday. I've never had any success with an on-call Dr. over the wkend.

I am feeling much better. Tired, but no real pain. Except an occasional ache in my tail bone. I think Zeke bruised it quite badly when he was trying to turn right before I started pushing.

The last of my live in help (Mom and then in-laws) left today. Which means I have to do my own dishes again. I hate dishes. I have some wonderful friends who have offered to take Azure and Vince this wk and next for a few hrs and bring me some more meals. That will be helpful.

I'm feeling some baby blues but, not PPD which is a relief. I do cry a lot. I have a lot of anxiety. Esp when I have to wait for something and it's taking longer than expected- like our bill at a restaurant or meeting someone who shows up late. I have a fair amount of anxiety anyway but, postpartum exacerbates it. Luckily the oxytocin I get while nursing calms me down and helps me to feel peaceful and relish the quiet moments of snuggling with Zekiel even at 3am.

Vince seems HUGE now. I think he's gained 5 lbs and grown a couple inches since Zeke was born. He's also talking a lot more. One of the funniest things he's said as of late was the other day when we were driving. He asked where we were going, "WalMart," I replied. "I hate WalMart." "Me too." Also, today as I was putting him down for a nap, placing him in his crib (so he wouldn't escape) he said, "This is the worst." He makes me laugh!

He is very interested in Zeke. He wants to kiss him every 2 mins. The problem is he doesn't know how to be gentle. So, his affection for his little brother is a cause of my anxiety. I am worried he's going to hurt him. But, it is darling to see how much he loves him. Recently Vince has liked to make up songs. One of them was to the tune of "Once there was a snowman" instead he sang, "Once there was a Zekiel". He also made up a new one today about Zeke being his best friend. Melts my heart. I hope they will be best friends.

Azure has been extremely helpful and has brought me cups of water while I nurse w/o me even asking. I am so glad we're homeschooling. I couldn't imagine her being in school right now. She is my main source of help during the day. I would also hate driving her to sch in the morning being sleep deprived and having to wake up Zeke. I think I'll homeschool all the children again when we have baby #4 or at least try to have her at the end of the school year.

All in all it's been wonderful. With every child I have I feel more complete as a person and as a woman. I love my children and I love being a mother. Not because it's easy, but because it's hard. It's true, the more you sacrifice for someone, the more you love them. Blood, sweat, tears, sleep, and breastmilk to name a few.

We're done!

Today I am 16 wks and I'm feeling TONS better! Haven't thrown up in over a week! Woot!

15 wks

Still super tired and not back to eating healthy like I was before this sickness started (minimal food aversions). I'm not as bothered by strong smells anymore that send me sprinting to the nearest toilet or trash can. Such a blessing to feel semi-normal again! I know the fatigue and *ahem* lack of fiber are correlated. I figured that out sometime in 2005. I think I mentioned some of that in this post.

Charles is done with his residency! *cue Hallelujah chorus* Things should become more normal again and we can actually work on all our family goals we've had on the back-burner this last year. Last Friday was his end of residency dinner- semi-formal. You know I love me a chance to get fancy schmancy so everyone can whisper, "Wow, that's Charles' wife?" I kid...kinda.

Back to Charles- I don't fully understand everything he does at work, obviously. Sometimes he comes home and says things like, "If you saw what I did at work today you would have died." Some of those things have included: assisting a patient with an impacted bowel, a large obese woman with gangrene who had maggots in her hospital bed, crazy surgeries with blood squirting all over the operating room, etc. I'm not one of those people that likes gross things so I don't ask for details unless my curiosity is really piqued, which rarely happens on the topic of maggots and the like. Hey, that's why I didn't go into the medical field. Because he's right, I would die.

He's all grown-up :)

So, it was really meaningful to have his co-workers come up to me at the dinner and say things like, "Charles is an outstanding pharmacist. He's a really hard-worker. We're so glad he's staying on. He's our favorite resident." And then to hear them talk about the research projects they've worked on all year and how much his research benefited the hospital and their protocol. I am one proud wife.

Sadly, we didn't have anyone take pics of us. But, Charles snapped this one of me when we got home.

To celebrate his 2 weeks off (his first vacation in over a year) he went with the scouts on a 50 mile hike up the Applachian trail. He loves backpacking and hasn't done it for years so it was perfect timing for him. I'm happy he got to go.

Tomorrow the kids and I leave to meet up with him in Asheville, NC and then we're off to DC to sight-see and visit Cath AND eat Cafe Rio. Can not tell you how excited I am for that!!! Then down to camp on the beach on the Outer Banks. Yay for beach camping- one of my fave things I haven't done since 1999? And then we'll visit Ev and Mike in Raleigh and then back home.

Sweet and bitter

Most of you will remember my post about my miscarriage back in January. And you might remember the revelation I received about having that same spirit in my arms by the following Christmas. I wrote:

"The nurse asked me when I had had a positive pregnancy test. "Christmas morning," I replied. She turned her head to look at me and sighed, "Oh, I'm so sorry." I was touched by her empathy and as tears filled my eyes I had the thought that by next Christmas we would have our baby- that the tears of sorrow I had shed would be restored to tears of rejoicing next Christmas as I would have that same spirit in my arms."

I wanted to have faith that it was indeed the Lord that put that thought into my mind but, I doubted that maybe it was just me, that I made it up because I wanted it to be true. The day came for me to take a pregnancy test. If it was negative, then I had made it up. To my shock, it was negative. It seemed like it would be perfect timing for so many reasons including the fact that we would be going on a cruise right during the time my morning sickness would be at it's worst, to help me take my mind off it all. (The Lord has always provided a major trip for me during my sicknesses to help me manage. With Azure, I went to San Francisco for a work trip. With Vince I filmed the Generations Project and went to Girls Camp for a week AND stayed at Charles' parents for a month which meant I didn't have to cook. That was the best!)

I just couldn't understand. The next day we went on a mini field trip downtown with Theresa and her kids to visit some of the historic squares and make a trip to the Savannah Bee. One of the squares had a fountain, so feeling like a fun mom that day I gave each child a penny, including one for me and Theresa too, and told everyone to make a wish.

The next day Azure and I were in the kitchen and she mentioned something about the baby and then said very sincerely, “Mom, that’s what I wished for with my penny.” I was completely overcome. “You wished that I would have a baby in my tummy?” I asked close to tears. “Yes.” “So, did I Cub.”

A couple days later I took another pregnancy test and it was positive! Talk about an emotional rollercoaster week! My due date is Dec. 21, Azure's half birthday, 4 days before Christmas. I am usually late but, because I felt the baby would be born by Christmas I am hoping no later than Dec. 25. 

I was very nervous waiting to feel sick. When my first wave of nausea hit a couple days before my 6 wk mark, I was very grateful because I knew it meant the baby was okay. But, this is still a very hard time for me. I have been throwing up everyday for the past week now. And every other day since May 1st. Gratefully the most I've thrown up is twice in one day. I have what is known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum but, it is controlled with zofran. If I wasn't taking zofran I would be in pretty bad shape and would most likely have to be hospitalized. 

I start throwing up within an hour if I skip a dose. I cannot cook. Cooking meals makes me throw up. I have to eat out everyday for lunch and dinner. It gets really expensive. The first trimester when I was pregnant with Azure was one of the darkest, most depressing times of my life. It has gotten a little better each time because of zofran and because I know what to expect. 90% of the times I throw up is psychological. That is how I got interested in hypnosis because I started associating everyday tasks with throwing up and sure enough when I did those things I imagined, I would throw up. 

Of course, when we were on the cruise I didn't throw up at all because I had all kinds of yummy food at my discretion laid out in front of me that I could eat anytime I wanted. And because I was relaxed and enjoying myself with Charles without children! When we got off the boat I started to worry about where we would eat next. I also started thinking about taking care of the children again and how demanding that was and wondering what the house was going to smell like when I walked in. Vomiting for me is definitely a product of anxiety. When we finally stopped for lunch I threw up. 

I know everyone experiences morning sickness differently. Some women have it even worse than me and experience it the whole 9 months. My heart goes out to them. I know some women who just feel nauseous and never throw up who have told me, "I wish I could throw up because then it would make me feel better." I will tell you that throwing up does not make me feel better. This is pregnancy, not the flu. The nausea doesn't go away. Throwing up everyday is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. 

I take comfort in knowing that this will end soon. I also take comfort in knowing that my Savior knows exactly what this feels like, even as a man. And that because I have covenanted with Him and Charles to bring children into this world that He will not leave me comfortless in that endeavor. The more I sacrifice for those I love, the more I love them. As crappy as this is some days, I do glory in my body and the miracle that we can have another child. Azure talks about her all the time (she is convinced it is a girl) and she already loves her so, so, much. As do I and Charles. And I'm sure Vince too even though he is oblivious to this all. It is overwhelming to think about how much this little baby will be loved right from the beginning. It will be the best Christmas present ever!

Happy Birthday to me!

My birthday has started out great. I woke up at 6am this morning and went running with 2 of my friends. I came home to Charles making me an omelet with fruit and yogurt for breakfast. So unexpected! When we were ordinance workers in the Provo Temple our first year of marriage we would come home from our shift and make omelets together. Sweet memories :)

I had a birthday lunch with Theresa, Jen, and Lindsey and our 8 children at Back in the Day Bakery. Home of my favorite cupcakes. Homemade, not box mix.

Picasa is like instagram now!!!

Charles and I made my birthday cake together last night-a raspberry creme layer cake. Didn't turn out the way I expected-I am so not a baker! It still tasted good though.

Charlie and Azure got me a balance board to keep my abs tight. They know me well :)

And some Lindt chocolates that apparently Azure picked out and wanted to make sure that I would share them with her :)

Then we went on a dinner date to the Casbah. We expected to be rockin' but, turns out we got rocked with the wrong meal. Oh well, we made the best of it and ate it anyways. Mostly it was a lovely evening because I got to admire this face that I love so much from across the table.

We ended the night watching North Shore on Netflix. So ridiculous! Charles keeps watching this clip over and over again. Whatevas!



I love birthdays! I have an uncanny memory for birthdays. I remember many birthdays from my friends in elementary school that I have long since lost contact with. I love making a BIG deal out of my birthday so I enjoy doing the same for others.

I have really been looking forward to my birthday for awhile because my birthday kinda feels like New Years Day for me. I feel like it's a rebirth (so appropriate for my spring birth), a time to start over. And I need a fresh start! This past year has been a tough one for me. Charles' residency has put a toll on all of us and our family life. I have had emotional turmoil and anxiety since the incident last May and reoccurring incidents over and over since then. I am learning where the line between forgiveness and not being taken advantage of lies. It has been extremely challenging. I don't have any pics of me crying my eyes out but, there could be plenty.

But, at the same time this has been a really good year too. I am learning more about myself and how to be comfortable in my own skin. I have more close friends than I've had since before I was married! (such an answer to prayers) I have multiple friends on my speed dial (that's how you know if I'm really tight with someone, they make it to my speed dial :).  I thrive when I am surrounded by people who truly love me and I'm getting closer to thriving.

I have been reminded that you cannot experience joy without experiencing pain. You have to taste the bitter to know the sweet. But, even in those painful, bitter days the Lord allows moments of joy every day. I am so grateful for that. And I am grateful for happy days filled with laughter and pure joy.

My 31st year is going to beat the pants off my 30th year! (Technically this is my 32nd yr right?) I am so excited and so filled with hope.

Tybee Beach Run

The day after Vince's birthday (and the day of his party which was a factor in my stress) I ran a race on the beach. It was just short of a 5K- 2.8 miles. For awhile now I've wanted to run a race on the beach (on the actual sand) so I was pretty excited about this opportunity. Last year I ran the 5K with the kids in the jogging stroller and Charles ran the half.

I ran it barefoot on hard packed sand- it was cool. My time was 24:03! My goal was 27 mins so I was pleasantly surprised. I think it helped that I was running on flat ground as opposed to up a bridge.

I asked Charlie to run the last little bit with me instead of taking pics. So, we didn't get any of me finishing, but here are the ones they took. I'm tempted to buy some of these since they got all 4 of us together.

at the starting line

where's mommy?

there she is!

Daddy's girls

They had so much fun chasing the birds on the pier. Especially Vince.

And this is the best picture of the day!

Gah!

Remember when I announced that I was submitting Vince's birth story for the book, The Gift of Giving Life: Rediscovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth?

Well, I just found out today that my story made it in the book! I am being published, a dream of mine come true :) I do wish I could go back and edit some things, but I am so excited. I have been reading 2 of the 3 author's blogs for over 2 years now and they are both fabulous writers and share so many great insights on pregnancy and birth. I am excited to get my hands on a copy of the book and read the birth stories. Oh, how I love birth stories!

They're trying to generate sales right now. If you pre-order it, you get 10% off. Even though I haven't read it yet, I know I can recommend that this will be an inspirational read. Isn't this a pretty cover? Hydrangeas! One of my faves!

Go here to read more about the book. Go here to see my name in the table of contents under Chapter Ten: Pain. And go here to pre-order your book!

Oh, and I should mention this because I think it's awesome. In my story I mention that I was able to heal emotionally after my C-section with Azure because I helped empower other women to feel good about their births. One of those women is my friend Jamie Wagner. And Jamie also submitted a story and it is also being published! Isn't that so cool?!

Fall entertaining

Saturday I was in the kitchen almost all day. Note to self: next time listen to music while cooking! Part of the reason for the "cook fest" was for Amie's bridal shower- which turned out quite nicely. Except for the fact that the video I made of Gery wouldn't burn onto a DVD, so we had to watch it on the laptop. Oh well. She loved it!

I asked my friend Becky to be in charge of the decor and she did such a fabulous job! I found this cute "Choose your love, love your choice" free printable and thought it would be perfect for the shower. (Pres. Monson quoted this last General Conference too.) Was gonna provide the link so you could print a copy too but, now I can't find it. Sorry.

I made probably my most favorite appetizer for the shower called Cheese Canapes. I first had these when I was at BYU. Our Stake President's wife (who is Italian from Italy. Represent!) made these for a group of us. I couldn't stop eating them. Every time I make them people ask me for the recipe. Without fail. So, I figured I would share it here on the blog since the season of entertaining and get-togethers is upon us.  It's always nice to have some extra arrows in your quiver when it comes to bringing an appetizer/treat that is sure to please. So, without further ado, here it is. You can thank me later ;)

Cheese Canapes

1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese (not a bottle of Kraft, you gotta use the real deal)

1/3 cup finely chopped onion (I use my food processor)

1/2 cup sharp cheddar cheese

1 cup mayo

1 large baguette sliced (it is a PAIN to slice it yourself. Buy a baguette from the bakery in your grocery store and ask them to slice it for you. It's free and will save you time :)

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Place sliced baguettes onto a cookie sheet. Spoon the creamy, cheesy deliciousness onto baguettes. Place under broiler until bubbly and brown (about 5 mins). I triple this recipe for 15+ people.

I also made a salad that I just made up. So, to be fancy this is the name I'm calling it: Harvest Apple & Walnut Salad with brown sugar and cinnamon dressing. How's that for fancy? I am one of those people that doesn't follow recipes. There is good and bad to that. The good- I can make some really super tasty things that I just make up in my head with ingredients that I have on hand. The bad- since I don't measure and it's not written down I can rarely duplicate my culinary masterpieces. So, here's my attempt at remedying that and providing a recipe for the salad. Keep in mind, I didn't measure, so these are all approximations.

Harvest Apple & Walnut Salad with brown sugar and cinnamon dressing (hee, hee)

1 bag of Italian Salad (usually romaine lettuce with the red radicchio. maybe some arugula?)

 1 Gala apple cored and diced (I leave the peel on for color)

About a cup of walnuts coarsely chopped

Dressing

About 1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar

2 TBS of olive oil

1 TBS brown sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

Dash of garlic salt

Dash of pepper

Mix all dressing ingredients in a separate bowl and then pour over salad just before serving or you run the risk of it getting soggy and wilted. 

For the drink I made some lemon water and displayed it in a pretty drink dispenser. Since it has lemon extract and citric acid in it, it has a real citrus kick that I love.

Citrus Water Punch 

{recipe adapted from Mel's Kitchen Cafe}

2 tablespoons citric acid (it looks like rock salt & can be found in natural food stores or perhaps a gardening center since it's good for sprouting)
5 quarts water
  1.5 cups sugar
2 tablespoons pure lemon extract
3 sliced lemons
3 sliced limes
Crushed ice

In a large pitcher or punch bowl, stir water, sugar, citric acid, and lemon extract together. Add sliced fruit and ice.

*If you have leftover punch, remove the sliced limes and lemons before refrigerating. The limes and lemons will give the punch an overly sour acidic taste if the punch is stored overnight that way.

Then after the shower I had to return to the kitchen to make some snacks for our Primary meeting after church the next day. Thanks to Pinterest I discovered this easy, tasty, recipe. I thought it would be the perfect snack with the onset of Fall.

Turtle Bites (Rolo pretzel bites)

{recipe & pic from Glorious Treats}

3 ingredients:

Square pretzels (snaps)

Rolos

Pecan halves

Click the link for baking instructions.

Though this is a simple recipe it's time consuming to unwrap all the rolos. If you live close to a specialty grocery store (like Fresh Market) you can buy rolos or any kind of chocolate caramel candy really in bulk and not individually wrapped, cutting down on prep time considerably. These are SOOO amazing! A nice balance of sweet and salty.

I also made mini lemon cupcakes (from a box) for the Primary children. I bribed them with a treat if they listened to their Primary CDs I made them to practice for our upcoming Sacrament Meeting Presentation. The thing is that I only have 1 small mini cupcake pan so it took me about 5 batches to make it all. Note to self: need to buy another mini cupcake pan.

Happy Fall entertaining friends!

Yay for acorns!

When I lived in Provo (Aug.1999-May 2008, minus 20 months in between for the mish) I could NOT wait for Spring every year. Winter seemed to last forever.

Savannah is the exact opposite. I can NOT wait for Fall. Summer seems to last forever. I want to wear pants. I haven't worn pants since April (and that was when we were in Cherokee for a week).

Today Vince had his 18 month checkup. As we got out of the car guess what we spied all over the ground underneath an oak tree? Acorns!!! That's the first sign of Fall. Azure and I were so, so, excited. Azure would have filled her pockets if she had any. Instead she picked one up and held it in her hand for most of the duration of the doctor visit. This is a happy day. Of course, temps won't get down into the high 70's until late September but, at least there are acorns on the ground. Right, right?!

Back to the doctor visit and a little update on Vince- He is 21 lbs and 30 inches. He got 2 shots while I nursed him. I only thought to nurse my babies while they get poked after I had Vince. I wish I had done it with Azure. It helps soo much! He only cried for less than a minute. He is also walking 95% of the time now.

This is beginning to be a random post but, I might as well report that since Charles is in the Bishopric he had a chance to be in charge of a Bishop Youth Discussion (kind of like a fireside, yet more informal) 2 Sundays ago. We were so thrilled to host it in our very own home. Having 10 young women and men here including leaders and parents was another testament that we made the right decision to move. We could have never fit all those people in our last place.

The topic was Facebook and texting. We had a wonderful, wonderful discussion with the youth about the pros and cons of both. It was so refreshing to be among the youth again. How I miss my girls! Though a lot of "my girls" are in Relief Society now. Crazy. Anyways, Charles challenged them to not log onto FB or text for a week. He made them a daily chart of activities they could do instead of checking FB or texting including: invite a friend to dinner, call a grandparent, read a book, do something nice for someone, etc.

The basis of the discussion came from this talk from Elder Bednar. Wow. It is one of my favorites on the topic of media. Worth a re-read or listen. We, of course, went along with the challenge as well. It wasn't hard to not text b/c I never text anyways but, abstaining from FB was a little difficult. After the challenge was over and I went back on FB for the first time I noticed how subconsciously anxious it makes me.  I knew I didn't really like FB to begin with but, pinpointing the anxious feelings was a real self-discovery. Now, I'm really limiting my time on there because I don't like to feel anxious.

The reward for completing the challenge was a cookie for each day. You could get up to 2 cookies per day if you completed the other activities in addition to abstaining from FB and texting. Last Saturday Charles and I baked about 200 cookies. At first it was a bit stressful. But, after we put the kids to bed and made our 2nd big batch it was fun. I thought, "We should take pics," but, this thought came during the stressful period and then it never came to fruition during the fun part.

The youth did great! There were a lot of cookies redeemed. And almost all of them get the grand prize which is a shopping trip to Goodwill. The boys get a tie and the girls get either a skirt or a dress. I love the youth! I really hope I can be in YW's again at some point. Maybe when Azure turns 12 :)

I'm 30! (woot, woot)

Blogging has not occurred because Charlie has the computer all week in Cherokee, NC at his 2nd to last rotation.  I am behind...

Thanks for your sweet comments on my 30 things for 30 birthday post!

I had a great birthday! We celebrated Saturday and went running in the morning as a family on Isle of Hope. Azaleas were in full bloom and it was gorgeous and absolutely perfect weather.

Charlie bought me orange and pink tulips and some of my favorite food items including salmon and nutella.

Then we dropped off the chillins at Jen's house so Charlie and I could have a dinner date at Bonefish. Bonefish was the first restaurant we ate at when we moved to Savannah in June 2008 and we haven't been back so it was fun to go again. The food was good. But, I unfortunately spilled my water on my salmon and it diluted the flavor a tad. Charlie had ahi tuna and was moaning with delight because it was so good. We also had ceviche. Afterwards, we made a quick trip to Publix which included the purchase of a Passover serving plate. I love Passover!

When we went to pick up the kids from Jen's we found that she had decorated her house with streamers, balloons, a banner, and a handmade "30" sign and had invited some other friends to surprise me! She also made me a cake. She was in cahoots with Charles! We even played pin the tail on the donkey. It was hilarious. Thanks Jen, you made my birthday!

So funny. Charles put his hand underneath his leg and still won pin the tail on the donkey. This man has mad skills. Yep, totally my husband :)

 I have wrinkles and sunspots. Welcome to 30!

And on the actual day of my birthday we had a "snowball fight" during Singing Time in Primary and got to sing the kids' favorite primary songs. It was so fun. Have I mentioned how much I love my calling as Primary Chorister? I do. It is a blast. "Sing. Sing. Sing. I like to sing. I like to sing a song. Sing. Sing. Sing." I hope to have this calling a couple more times in life.

30 things for 30 yrs

In celebration of my 30th year coming up later this month (the 27th), I'm posting 30 of my favorite things.

To make things fun, post on your blog 30 of your favorite things, one of those being one of your favorite things about me. And that can be your birthday present to me! Don't have a blog of your own or just don't wanna? Just leave me a comment telling me one of your favorite things and one of your favorite things about me. And if you occasionally read this blog and haven't commented, please comment on this post. My love language is words of affirmation so it really will make my birthday to read why my friends and family love me :)

Thanks in advance for celebrating with me!

In no particular order:

1. Springtime! Blossoming trees and plants
2. Tulips, blue hydrangeas, and azaleas
3. Bright colors
4. Long jackets/coats that come down to my knee
5. Nursing my babies and seeing the imprint their ears leave on my forearm
6. Snuggling with my newborn babies and inhaling their intoxicating scent

7. Latin Dancing, especially Salsa 
8. The beach
9. Bonfires on the beach and in mountain canyons
10. Salmon
11. Milk chocolate Lindt truffles
12. Pilates
13. The feeling of adrenaline and endorphins after a good workout
14. New clothes
15. Cooking in a kitchen filled with natural light and lots of counter space
16. Sleeping on clean, fresh sheets straight from the dryer
17. Weddings, especially temple sealings
18. Vocal jazz esp from Ella Fitzgerald (one of my favorites from her) & Blossom Dearie (this one is great)
19. Listening to the soundtrack from "Thicker Than Water" while on a secluded beach
20. Eating authentic Italian & Cuban food
21. Full body massages
22. Being surrounded by people who love me
23. Going to the temple as much as possible
24. Curled eyelashes
25. The feeling of freshly shaven legs
26. Finding good deals and saving lots of money using coupons
27. Singing and performing
28. Seeing Charles' adorable dimples when he smiles
29. Summer camping
30. Cruises!

Oh, and one more- the knowledge that my Savior loves me and because this list is important to me, it's important to Him!

Of course, I could go on and on. But, I'll just leave it there at 30. Ok, your turn :)

Future Aspirations

So, after much deliberation I have finally decided what I want to do as a career (making money) in the next season of my life.

I know I am strange but, sometimes I have thought, what would I do for work if Charles were to die? I have a Bachelor's degree and business and non-profit experience, but I never really loved it. And you should do what you love right? Perhaps a post on the background of all this later...

But, for now I want to announce that I've made the decision (which could definitely change since I don't plan on doing this for many years) to go to massage therapy school and become a LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) and to become a Pilates instructor and perhaps a Hypnobabies Instructor.

I have always liked the idea of being a "guru", Charles makes fun of me :) But, with these 3 "jobs" my clientele would mostly be pregnant women. And I would be a mini guru of things relating to the sacredness of the body, which is something I feel very passionate about. This could be an eloquent post explaining why, but, I don't have the energy for that now :)

Thinking about doing these things in the future makes me happy and excited, and that's a fun feeling!

Birth story teaser

I have something exciting to announce. Some women I know through the blogosphere and fellow LDS mothers are compiling a book called: The Gift of Giving Life:Rediscovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth.

I wrote a submission for this book a couple weeks after Vince was born and decided that it needed some polishing before I sent it in. Up until now I have not polished it up and pretty much forgot about it, and Vince is now 6.5 months old. However, I just read this post and knew I had to submit my story. Now or never. Polished or not polished. So here is my submission for the book (this is not the birth story in it's entirety that I will some day publish on the blog :)

I prepared for a natural birth with my first baby using Hypnobabies. After my water broke, I started having back labor and was not making much progress. Once I reached a 4 and after laboring for 24 hours, my midwife found out my daughter was breech; because my water had already broken, I had to have an emergency c-section. I was devastated. Right before finding out she was breech, my husband had given me a priesthood blessing saying that I would be able to have the natural birth that we had planned and practiced for. We talked about this later and felt that the Lord was referring to a future birth. I knew right away that I would try for a VBAC for my second birth.

The disappointment of my birth coupled with a colicky baby led to post partum depression. As I shared my experience with other women and helped influence them to make their own decisions regarding their births, I started to feel some closure from my own experience. I realized that had I not experienced the heartache and depression that I did with my daughter’s birth, that I might not have the passion or motivation or empathy to help empower other women to feel good about their births. This quote by Elder Wirthlin helped me understand that my pain was being restored to something greater.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

I knew that the Lord loved me and that He needed to teach me things that I could only learn through the disappointment of my daughter’s birth. I learned to trust in His will and timing.

With my second pregnancy I again practiced with Hypnobabies and envisioned the natural birth I had wanted the first time around. I found the only OB in my city who supported VBACs and hired a doula. Though I wanted nothing more than to have a VBAC I had faith in the Lord’s will and knew He knew what I needed better than I thought I did.

A week after my due date I started having contractions. They were intense enough that I couldn’t sleep through them. I felt them in my back again which alerted me that again my baby was not in an optimal position to be born. The next day I had an ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid level since I was “overdue”. It was down to 4.5. Five is normal. My Dr. was concerned and could have scheduled me for a C-section right then but, told me to come back in two hours to admit me to the hospital. Two hours later I was still at a one.

My Dr. broke my water and gave me pitocin. Of course that increased my back labor. It had been over 24 hours and I could no longer take the pain and the fact that I was progressing so slow. I knew it was going to take even longer so I asked for an epidural. I was still able to move around with the help of my doula and husband to try to get my baby in a good position. After about 40 hours of labor I was at a 6. I knew that my chances of having a VBAC were getting slimmer as time went on. I was also coming close to the 24 hour “deadline” that most doctors give to laboring women after their water breaks.

I tried to prepare myself mentally for having another C-section but, the thought of that made me cry. It didn’t seem fair after having labored all this time to just have another C-section. My Dr. was supposed to come back to check on me but, she got caught up in a surgery. During the time she was in that surgery my back labor finally stopped and I had completely dilated to a 10! I know it was no coincidence that she was in the surgery for so long. Had she come back any earlier I think she would have made me have a C-section. Never before in my life could I feel the intense power of my friends and family praying for me.

I was able to have a VBAC! Having a vaginal birth was more important to me than having a drug-free birth. Sure, (again) it wasn’t the way I had planned but, being able to push my son out of my own body was a wonderful feeling. And I don’t mind that I needed an epidural to be able to do that. I did it! Will I try a third time to do it naturally? Yes! But, if not, I will accept the Lord’s will and just be happy to have a healthy, beautiful baby. A few days after the birth I read this scripture and felt the Lord speak directly to my heart:

“And it came to pass that after I had prayed and labored with all diligence, the Lord said unto me: I will grant unto thee according to thy desires, because of thy faith” (Enos 1:12).

My righteous desire was to have a vaginal birth. I’m so grateful He saw fit to grant me that desire not only because of my faith, but because of the faith of my family and friends too. Together we all witnessed a miracle.

If you have a story to share, do it!

You are amazing!

Just read this post and thought it was great. We'd all have better days if we remembered how awesome we are. So, tell me what you're good at and what you love about yourself, please!

Generations Project Season 1 online

My episode is now online to watch at your will. I am pleased with it for the most part, however I wanted singing to be a big part of it. My great grandmother Francesca loved to sing and my Nana (grandmother) was a singer and voice teacher. A large part of the episode was supposed to include how this singing talent had been passed down through the generations. They filmed me singing in a nursing home in St. Louis, however they cut this scene because they didn't feel that it "fit". That made me sad.

One of the scenes also included me learning to play Bocce Ball from some old Sicilian men at the Italian club. It was so fun! However, the directors forgot to get them to sign a waiver allowing them to be in the "film" so they had to cut that too :(

The hostess for the show was a little over the top. Though, as a person I liked her very much and enjoyed her personality; it was just a little much on camera. Because they cut 2 of my scenes I felt they used too much studio time with the hostess adding "fillers" that were redundant.

Having said all of that, I did thoroughly enjoy filming the episode (besides the morning sickness) and going to St. Louis and learning so much about my family history. It was a memorable experience and I'm so grateful that I was chosen for this show.