Postpartum

Zeke will be 2 wks tomorrow. It has gone by in a blur. I found out why I was in so much pain. One of my stitches (or maybe more) tore. Too bad I called about it on a Saturday. I've never had any success with an on-call Dr. over the wkend.

I am feeling much better. Tired, but no real pain. Except an occasional ache in my tail bone. I think Zeke bruised it quite badly when he was trying to turn right before I started pushing.

The last of my live in help (Mom and then in-laws) left today. Which means I have to do my own dishes again. I hate dishes. I have some wonderful friends who have offered to take Azure and Vince this wk and next for a few hrs and bring me some more meals. That will be helpful.

I'm feeling some baby blues but, not PPD which is a relief. I do cry a lot. I have a lot of anxiety. Esp when I have to wait for something and it's taking longer than expected- like our bill at a restaurant or meeting someone who shows up late. I have a fair amount of anxiety anyway but, postpartum exacerbates it. Luckily the oxytocin I get while nursing calms me down and helps me to feel peaceful and relish the quiet moments of snuggling with Zekiel even at 3am.

Vince seems HUGE now. I think he's gained 5 lbs and grown a couple inches since Zeke was born. He's also talking a lot more. One of the funniest things he's said as of late was the other day when we were driving. He asked where we were going, "WalMart," I replied. "I hate WalMart." "Me too." Also, today as I was putting him down for a nap, placing him in his crib (so he wouldn't escape) he said, "This is the worst." He makes me laugh!

He is very interested in Zeke. He wants to kiss him every 2 mins. The problem is he doesn't know how to be gentle. So, his affection for his little brother is a cause of my anxiety. I am worried he's going to hurt him. But, it is darling to see how much he loves him. Recently Vince has liked to make up songs. One of them was to the tune of "Once there was a snowman" instead he sang, "Once there was a Zekiel". He also made up a new one today about Zeke being his best friend. Melts my heart. I hope they will be best friends.

Azure has been extremely helpful and has brought me cups of water while I nurse w/o me even asking. I am so glad we're homeschooling. I couldn't imagine her being in school right now. She is my main source of help during the day. I would also hate driving her to sch in the morning being sleep deprived and having to wake up Zeke. I think I'll homeschool all the children again when we have baby #4 or at least try to have her at the end of the school year.

All in all it's been wonderful. With every child I have I feel more complete as a person and as a woman. I love my children and I love being a mother. Not because it's easy, but because it's hard. It's true, the more you sacrifice for someone, the more you love them. Blood, sweat, tears, sleep, and breastmilk to name a few.