5 years

I often say this but, really if I could live one day over again, it would be our wedding day. It was so magical. Everything I had been praying and wishing for (since the age of 3 when you start pretending and first think of getting married) had come true.

Last Thursday night our Bishop sent out an email asking for volunteers to go help out the tornado victims in Fayetteville, GA for the following day until Sunday. It was extremely short notice and Charles had so much to do. We had a house full of unpacked boxes. He had to study for his rotation and prepare for his grilling on Monday. He could of easily just blown it off- too short notice, too much to do. But, not my husband.

At church on Sunday they had announced that some people from our ward had gone to help. I felt honored that Charles was numbered among them. "That's the kind of man I married," I thought to myself. I love him for honoring his priesthood and stepping up to the plate even when his own is full.

I love our marriage. Even though it's far from perfect. Since he's the clerk, one of his responsibilities is to count how many people are in attendance in Sacrament meeting. When he gets to our row I love to mouth all sorts of numbers at him to try and mix him up :) And he just shakes his head and smiles. I love it! I love the humor that permeates our marriage. I love feeling secure in his love.

Since early on in our courtship he has impressed me with his integrity. And he still amazes me. He makes me want to be a better woman.

5 of the greatest things that have happened in the past 5 yrs:

1. Having Azure & Vince
2. Going to Hawaii on our 2 yr anniversary
3. Going to Casa Laguna on our engagement anniversary last Dec
4. Our trips to Key West & St. Augustine, FL
5. Growing closer together through trials/sicknesses/tragedies (intense morning sickness, PPD & colic with Azure, our car accident, emotional turmoil that comes from being YW president, Pharmacy sch stress, mastitis and seizures, moving- 3x, the tick, dealing with insensitive "friends" & preceptors)

Oh those dimples!

It's been a great 5 years. I'm looking forward to eternity with him and our beautiful children.

Almost time to say goodbye to 3

Azure will be 4 next month. It seems like we just celebrated her 3rd birthday and crammed all her friends into our little condo. She's overdue for a post of her own highlighting her quirks and development.

Almost every time she prays, she starts with, "Henly Father, thank you that we could have a good time." Then she usually adds, "thank you that we could follow God's plan by getting baptized" or "by getting sealed in the temple." Charles and I don't say these things in our own prayers, so this is all her. In February we learned the song, "I Will Follow God's Plan" in Primary so I think since then she's been saying that.

If we are about to eat something she really enjoys she'll say, "thank you for this delicious, yummy ______." And then she'll giggle and peek through one eye. Of course, I know this because laughter is a cue for me to open my own eyes during a prayer so I can see her cute face. But, let's be honest and I'll admit I rarely keep my eyes closed for the duration of an entire prayer anymore since having children.

Azure has been writing, spelling, and reading like crazy. She especially likes to spell her and Vince's name with any kind of letters she can find.

 "Hot tHe Dog" wrote and came up with this all on her own

Since moving into our new house I have loved watching her from the kitchen window prancing around and talking to herself as she plays in the backyard. One of those moments I wish I could freeze in time. It's something I want to remember about her childhood. I wonder if she'll remember this house (assuming we'll only be here for a year). I wonder if she'll remember our old place. I couldn't help but tear up when I went by there last week to show it to a potential renter. I stood at her bedroom door and remembered so many things. The raucous laughter, the furious screams, the songs, the cries. Without the bitter, we really can't know the sweet. A hard thing to remember when we're in the bitter. So hard.

She wanted to take a picture in her old chair. Here's what she used to look like in it.

She can make the silliest faces thanks to Daddy!

 My personal favorite (above) Banana split cupcake

She is so her father's daughter! I love this girl.

Chunka monk

*Vince gets a post today because 2 yrs ago this very day we found out we were pregnant with him! 2 yrs ago, wow!*
Today as soon as Vince woke up he signed "Dad" and said "Dada". I was so proud. This is the first time he's done a sign so clearly while saying the word simultaneously. He can sign dog too, but he says "da"  so it's not as clear.

We also found out the cause of his incessant whininess- a bottom right molar with the left one close behind. We noticed it on 5 de Mayo. That makes 7 teeth now. (I seriously don't remember Azure being this whiny at this age. Maybe I have Mommy amnesia? He was the calmest baby until 11 months.)

I am hoping that he walks soon because I think he'll learn to be more independent and not so clingy with a new-found skill. Maybe?

He has taken to books in the last few weeks like crazy.  Now that he has his own room I've been reading more to him in the glider before naptime. When reading "Goodnight Moon" to him I always tickle his tummy when I say "goodnight bears". I always did that to Azure when she was a baby and I realized how ingrained it was for me because I found myself doing it to Vince even though I haven't read the book consistently for about 2.5 yrs now. Today while the 3 of us were in his room putting laundry away, he was flipping through the book and when he got to the "goodnight bears" page, he tickled his own tummy and began to laugh. Oh, it was the cutest thing!

When I pointed to a cow in a book the other day he said, "Moo." He also attempted to say his first Spanish word, "globo" (balloon) at Publix on Saturday. I asked him, "Donde esta el globo?" His eyes darted around until he found it and then he pointed to it and said, "babo." (sounded more like bubble)

This picture reminds me of when Charles and I were engaged. One night we were talking about our future life together and in my mind's eye I saw a little boy with blonde, almost white hair, blue eyes and dimples shaking his head and saying, "No, no, no!" I still don't know if it's Vince (because he doesn't have much hair) or if we have another little boy waiting for us. No, I'm not pregnant by the way :) But, the pic above reminds me of that boy I saw.

Get me out of here!

Blocks are his absolute favorite. Playing with blocks is usually one of the only things that he can do independently for the longest period of time (2nd being watching Baby Signing Time). He loves putting them in the laundry baskets, the trash can, boxes, any kind of container. I find blocks in the most random places because he crawls all around the house hiding them.

When he finds a brush he immediately starts brushing his hair while looking at me smiling like he's so funny.

 Playing trains w/Addison, Kayden, and William

 Green smoothie 'stache. He LOVES green smoothies!

Corn! (said like a crow)

He is the world's best snuggler! Sundays are a bit difficult as I am Primary chorister and Charles is the clerk. Neither of us can really take him because we each have our callings to fulfill so he ends up getting passed around to the Primary presidency which he does NOT like. There have been a few weeks where he was so hysterical that they had to take him out of the building. Whenever I go "rescue" him after I'm done, he buries his head in my neck and lays it on my shoulder and hugs me tight as if to say, "Don't ever let me go again, Mommy!" And when it's bedtime or naptime he does the same and snuggles me tight. Azure was not a snuggler at this age- she was always on the go, rarely even wanting to be held. If she did it was only for a few seconds and then she'd be wriggling out of my arms to go run around again. Every child is indeed different!

In Cherokee, NC

Funny stuff

There's too much seriousness going on on the blog so here's something hilarious that Azure just said today and I think it may be one of the funniest things she's ever said.

We were sitting at the table eating lunch while Vince napped. He had been napping for awhile and as we were finishing we heard him cry. I said to her joking but, trying to be very serious:

"Well, Vince is awake now. So, I'm gonna need you to go get him out of the crib and change his diaper. Then you'll need to feed him lunch cause I need to leave."

Her eyes got very big and then she said, "I can't feed him! I don't have boobs!"

And then I busted out laughing.

Thank you!

The Lord never ceases to amaze me. Thank you so much for your loving and supportive words. I appreciate all of them and all of you. So much!

Yesterday my other friend who was the witness called because she felt she needed to talk to me about what happened. I was so relieved because like I said I was apprehensive to talk to others for fear of gossiping. She spoke peace to my heart and validated me and restored my confidence. I immediately felt the burden being lifted and the healing power of the Savior through her words.  I feel that she really was acting as an angel for me, especially since she is in the Relief Society Presidency. The mantle is a very real thing!

Last week I read this conference talk by Elder Richards. As I reread it today, I got much more out of it having gone through so much emotional distress this weekend. Some of my favorite quotes from it:

"The Savior is not a silent observer. He Himself knows personally and infinitely the pain we face."

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16)
 

“He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and...he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy,...that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:11-12)

Perhaps we also need to experience the depths of mortality in order to understand Him and our eternal purposes. ¹³

Elder Robert D. Hales said: “Pain brings you to a humility that allows you to ponder. It is an experience I am grateful to have endured...”

You know, I too am grateful to have endured this pain. (I can probably only say that since I feel so much better now.) I haven't felt so hurt in a long time and it forced me to turn to the Savior in a way that I don't think I have in awhile- so brokenhearted and in a spirit of true humility. It also allowed Charles and I to grow closer together as we felt that this was "our" issue, not only mine. Another testament to me of the power of the marriage covenant in shouldering our burdens. So grateful for this man.

I also (re)learned that the Lord wants me to feel of His love through friends. Had I kept this to myself the healing process would have taken much longer I think. Women truly need other women!

Moving and other stuff

We moved! Only about 6 miles away but, for some reason it seems so far from everything. So, that's another reason we're behind on the blog. We've spent the last week and a half cleaning, packing, moving, cleaning, and unpacking. And of course, we're only about half way unpacked. Probably not even half way.

And today is Mother's Day. We all read on blogs about how we should be honest and not just post about the great spectacular events in our lives right? So, let's be honest here and I will tell you that this has been the worst Mother's Day. Ever.

Yesterday a "friend" of mine gave me a book. She said she thought I might find it "interesting". She said she noticed some of my interactions with Azure weren't ideal. What she actually said is that it's painful for her to watch some of my interactions with Azure. Really?! Who says that?! So, she thought I should read the book to be a better parent, a better mother. I was floored by this because this "friend" doesn't really know me well. She has pretty much only been around me and Azure when I've been stressed out and yes, I admit I'm not a perfect parent and I get stressed out and react badly. Please tell me I'm not alone. Please! To top it off, she said this in front of another friend of mine and also her husband. I was shocked that she felt it was okay to bring this up, really at all because like I said we are not close, but in front of others?!

I have been pretty depressed since this incident and wonder why she told me this the day before Mother's Day. Couldn't she have waited until after the holiday passed at least? Writing has always been therapeutic to me. I decided to post this on the blog because this is real and I'm hurting and I don't want to keep it bottled up inside. I also feel like I can't talk to my friends about this because I don't want to "gossip" or incriminate her. So, I feel like the best way for me to heal is to share this on the blog since you don't know who she is and give me some advice.