Pregnancy #8

I am 16 weeks along with our 4th baby. I am so grateful that we've made it this far. I am still nervous about having another miscarriage so I've had ultrasounds every week the first few weeks and now every 2 weeks until I can start feeling the baby move more consistently.

We got to see him again this morning (Azure and Zeke came along) and hear his heartbeat. Azure loved seeing his little feet move. Such a relief! I'm pretty much out of the woods now, yet I am still anxious having had 4 miscarriages.

I'm still processing my feelings of losing our twins in our last pregnancy this past August. I had a feeling it was one girl and one boy. And, because I have felt the presence of our unborn daughter since April 2010, I figured it was Azalea who was coming, but it's a boy. And, it's been hard to understand since I am 99% sure this will be our last child. I don't feel like I could handle 5. I'm not sure how I'll handle 4!!  And, 5 kids is a lot. I've learned since having children that I'm not a "kid person". I highly value my alone time and lots of kids underfoot needing things from me is not good for my mental health. So, I'm left pondering- do we just wait until the millennium to have Azalea? Is it some kind of test of faith to see if we should indeed have 5? I'm not even completely sure it would be her next time. What if it were another boy? I feel like God values my agency and allows me to make a choice. So, what do I choose? Sigh. Kinda heavy topics...

I already found a doula! For so long, not having viable pregnancies, I haven't even thought about birth, but as soon as we had our ultrasound at 14 weeks and things looked good, I let myself go there and it felt good. Some of you may remember long ago, I used to really love all things birth related. But, I must say that I became disillusioned with birth fanatics especially those from the "natural" birth camp. I know that birth is an important and sacred event, but they put so much pressure and value on it as if everything about your relationship with that child depends on your birth experience with them. B.S. I just couldn't stand their extremity or their narrow-minded view anymore. But, I still love doulas and definitely need the emotional and physical support during labor, so I am happy to have found one. There are so many more options here in Boise than there were in Savannah which is so nice. 

I am looking forward to giving birth to this baby boy. Birth has been difficult for me and it brings up abandonment issues and PTSD, but it is also so exhilarating and awe-inspiring. I am so grateful that I get to do it again.

The Jensens move back West

2015 has been a whirlwind so far. In January Charles was contacted by St. Luke's Health System in Boise, ID about the position he applied for 3 years ago after his residency. It was available again and they offered to fly him out for an interview.

Sometimes you don't get to see why things don't work out, but it's been a blessing to know that 3 years ago when this job didn't work out the first time, the Lord was preparing Charles to take it in the future.

We found out in February that he had been accepted for the position and we have been preparing to move ever since.

We left Savannah on Tues morning March 31st and got to Boise around 9:30pm on Easter Sunday April 5th.

I love change and new adventures, but moving is hard. It's hard to say goodbye to the things you love- like warm humid air enveloping you almost constantly. Beautiful green live oaks, friends you can call up last minute to come babysit your kids (Shelly).

It's hard living on the road and in hotels for almost 2 weeks. It's been hard on Azure and Vince. They were used to their school schedule going to bed and waking up early. Now, we have no schedule and are all over the place spending most of the day in the car or in the hotel. Vince has been so defiant and it breaks my heart. I've never seen him act like this before- talking back and misbehaving so much. Where did my sweet boy go?!

Such a wide range of emotions. I also found out on my birthday that my 7 week pregnancy was no longer. I had been waiting to bleed to pass it on my own and was afraid I'd have to schedule a D&C as soon as we got to Boise having no insurance yet. Gratefully the Lord answered my prayer and I started bleeding on my own Sunday night as soon as we got to our hotel.

It has been rough, yet we also feel so blessed. I almost got hit by a car in El Paso, but the car stopped just in time. Shelly, our friend from Savannah drove out with us and helped us with the kids. Cammen, my freshman roommate met up with us in Louisiana and bought us breakfast. Caleb, Charles' brother let us stay at their house and cooked us an amazing dinner. Another friend of ours from Savannah let us stay with them in Thatcher, AZ and cooked us breakfast.

Best friend status: taking care of all of my kids :)

Cousins playing soccer

Me & Cammen: 16 yrs of friendship

I got to see Randa, my MTC companion on the exact day, April 3rd, that we entered the MTC together and met. It had been 13 years!! She would have housed us as well but, we went and stayed with Miah in Yucca.

And, then it "just so happened" that we ended up at my in laws on Easter Sunday and got to celebrate with them and Jon and Erin and their kids. Our children got to see all their aunts, uncles and cousins minus Jen and Zed who's on his mission in Finland on the Jensen side during our cross country road trip.

No Easter dress- she lost 2 cardigans on this trip

Monday we started looking for places to live and on Wed we decided on one, applied and got accepted. We're grateful it only took 3 days. We get to move in tomorrow!

Another one of my old roommates lives here in Boise and she watched Azure and Vince for a few hours to quell their boredom and give Charles and I a break from their bickering (something they're only begun to do frequently the past few months). I have been messaging a girl that I'm in a Facebook group with, whom I've never met, yet she offered to watch our kids and feed us dinner. We finally met her tonight and the kids loved jumping on their tramp and playing in their backyard. My in laws have been watching Zeke all week so we could find a place without his shenanigans. (Though Azure & Vince definitely made up for his shenanigans while he was gone!)

I'm constantly relearning in my life that there really are silver linings to everything. It's such a testament to me of God's goodness. There are countless blessings if that is what you're focused on. That doesn't mean that life will always be happy, easy, or good, but for one door God closes, He truly opens another, or at least a window. I praise His goodness!!

{New Boise sights}

Lake Lovell

Only 13 mins from the temple instead of 3 hrs!!!

Such gorgeous Spring colors!

Cafe Rio!