My not-so-little girl

We are entering in a new stage of life. This year Azure is in the 5th grade. She has a male teacher and I'm so glad. Something about having a teacher of the opposite gender at that age gives you confidence. Not sure if it's the same way for boys. I had a male teacher in 6th grade for only a few months, Mr. Martinez, and he was so fun. He had this vibe that just naturally quelled girl drama in our classroom. Unfortunately, he got another job and we got a new female teacher who started off unhappy with the whole setup coming in late and all and it was just an awful year all around.

It's a hard time of life when you want to be a little more grown up, but are still a child. When you feel all sorts of different emotions at once and you're not sure which one to act on. When you feel like no one understands you.

We're gearing up for these years- planning lots of one-on-one time, daddy-daughter dates, mommy-daughter dates. Homeschool for the middle school years is an option we're highly considering to instill more confidence and a slower pace of life, less competition and distraction to focus on things that truly matter- the gospel, faith, family, service, relationships.

She's been wanting a new bike so we decided that she could earn money by baking because she loves to bake cornbread. I gave her a pumpkin bread recipe while I was working on my lesson for church and she did the whole thing. It came out amazing! So, it was decided that she could sell the loaves she baked to earn money. So wonderful to watch her learn the value of work.  We bought her new mountain bike yesterday!

This summer she got into watching Charlie play Zelda much to my chagrin and started playing herself. Apparently some of her friends play too and they've been talking about the game and coming over to play. I've had to accept the fact that my daughter is a bit of a gamer and that it's something she enjoys. Parenthood is hard sometimes haha.

Hard to believe our little cub has been alive for a whole decade already. She is still one of my best friends and I love her so!

April

Charles and I finally got smart phones (him end of March, me beginning of April). Blessing and a curse I think. Like all technology. I'm now an instagramer and hope to blog more by uploading pics from there to here. Now, that I've finally figured that out!

Zekiel Baby was 15 lbs 12 oz at his appt on May 17 (8 days shy of 5 mos)! Porker. He has been trying to sit up all on his own before even turning 5 months. What the heck?! I was just rereading the blog from when Vince was this age and he was a little more developmentally behind. I think it may be b/c I had double swaddled him for so long- he didn't sleep very well if I didn't. He always had plenty of floor time when he was awake though, so I don't know. I never thought about it until just rereading now.

Here's some picture catch up from April.

Pie Plate Eyes x3 :)

Azure taking notes during General Conference. Makes my heart oh, so happy :)

She made her own superhero costume.

Charlie bought tulip bulbs for me for Christmas. I wasn't supposed to see them, but found them in his trunk. The week after Zeke was born he was out in the back and front yard digging and planting away. On Easter they started blooming. It was beautiful! Tulips are one of my favorite flowers. They don't last long here in the life-sucking heat but, here they are in all their beauty. That Charlie is sure charming :)

 10 days shy of 4 mos. He started rolling like crazy that week from front to back and back to front every time I put him on the floor!

Vince crawled into bed with Azure, so sweet!

 

 Zeke's first and only "couch nap".

 

This girl has been a reading machine lately! It makes me so happy that she enjoys reading so much. We skipped a few months homeschooling before and after Zeke was born, so we'll be working through the summer. I hope to do a post on all the things we've done for homeschool this past year before she starts public sch at the end of Aug.

 

Our monthly temple trip. It is difficult making the 5 hr round trip with these 3, but we have been able to feel the powers of Heaven blessing us as we make the monthly sacrifice to go. This time especially, Charles and I felt the blessing immediately in our marriage. A very memorable trip :)

My babes

My babes are growing. I've been busy and they are growing before my eyes. Zeke is 25.5 inches long! His head is at the top of the bassinet and his feet are almost touching the bottom! He's not even 3 months yet and his 3 month clothes are getting too tight! I've never had a baby wear clothes bigger than their age yet.

I was looking at this picture today and remembered a vision I had when Charles and I were dating or engaged. Charles made this pouty face and said, "No,no,no,no." In my mind flashed an image of a blonde haired boy making the same face Charles was and saying the same thing. That was a powerful image to me. We knew before we were married that there were spirits eagerly awaiting. I haven't thought about that experience for a long time. It made me feel more tender tonight thinking about Vince. He is that boy I saw 4 years before we created his body.

Today Emily V. came over and as we were talking on the couch Azure joined in our conversation just like she was our age. It was clear she felt comfortable relating her experiences with us, just like she was an adult. I remember doing that at her age, too. She is becoming a young woman. She is growing tall.

Even though sometimes I rush about like a mad woman and shout orders when we're running late, I do take the time to squat down to their level at least once a day and look into their eyes and kiss their faces. I act silly and chase them around and tickle them.

Vince has been saying, "Mommy, you're the best Mommy I wanted." It's like he knows he made a choice to have me as his mother. Maybe he could have picked another woman. But, he picked me. And I feel that. I say to him, "And you're the best son I wanted. I told Heavenly Father, that's the baby I want. I want that one right there."

Having a newborn, or not-so-new born plus 2 other children at home is demanding. And again this baby won't take a bottle or pacifiers. I am 3 for 3. Truth is, in a way, I love being the only one that can give them what they need. Do I complain about that fact at times? Yes. But, I know this time won't last forever. And there is something so very sacred about clutching a baby to my breast and rocking back and forth in that glider that I nursed Azure and Vince in. I thank God for these 3 babes who drive me to insanity and who fill my heart with meaning and joy. Pure joy.

Postpartum

Zeke will be 2 wks tomorrow. It has gone by in a blur. I found out why I was in so much pain. One of my stitches (or maybe more) tore. Too bad I called about it on a Saturday. I've never had any success with an on-call Dr. over the wkend.

I am feeling much better. Tired, but no real pain. Except an occasional ache in my tail bone. I think Zeke bruised it quite badly when he was trying to turn right before I started pushing.

The last of my live in help (Mom and then in-laws) left today. Which means I have to do my own dishes again. I hate dishes. I have some wonderful friends who have offered to take Azure and Vince this wk and next for a few hrs and bring me some more meals. That will be helpful.

I'm feeling some baby blues but, not PPD which is a relief. I do cry a lot. I have a lot of anxiety. Esp when I have to wait for something and it's taking longer than expected- like our bill at a restaurant or meeting someone who shows up late. I have a fair amount of anxiety anyway but, postpartum exacerbates it. Luckily the oxytocin I get while nursing calms me down and helps me to feel peaceful and relish the quiet moments of snuggling with Zekiel even at 3am.

Vince seems HUGE now. I think he's gained 5 lbs and grown a couple inches since Zeke was born. He's also talking a lot more. One of the funniest things he's said as of late was the other day when we were driving. He asked where we were going, "WalMart," I replied. "I hate WalMart." "Me too." Also, today as I was putting him down for a nap, placing him in his crib (so he wouldn't escape) he said, "This is the worst." He makes me laugh!

He is very interested in Zeke. He wants to kiss him every 2 mins. The problem is he doesn't know how to be gentle. So, his affection for his little brother is a cause of my anxiety. I am worried he's going to hurt him. But, it is darling to see how much he loves him. Recently Vince has liked to make up songs. One of them was to the tune of "Once there was a snowman" instead he sang, "Once there was a Zekiel". He also made up a new one today about Zeke being his best friend. Melts my heart. I hope they will be best friends.

Azure has been extremely helpful and has brought me cups of water while I nurse w/o me even asking. I am so glad we're homeschooling. I couldn't imagine her being in school right now. She is my main source of help during the day. I would also hate driving her to sch in the morning being sleep deprived and having to wake up Zeke. I think I'll homeschool all the children again when we have baby #4 or at least try to have her at the end of the school year.

All in all it's been wonderful. With every child I have I feel more complete as a person and as a woman. I love my children and I love being a mother. Not because it's easy, but because it's hard. It's true, the more you sacrifice for someone, the more you love them. Blood, sweat, tears, sleep, and breastmilk to name a few.

Soccer Family

*Are you wanting a baby update? Wish me luck in trying to catch up before Zeke comes!*

I became a soccer mom at the end of September. Azure had practices on Tuesdays and games every Saturday. That's about 3 hrs a week of soccer. She amazed us all and scored 6 goals in her first game! She definitely has a knack for the sport so we plan on putting her in every year until she changes her mind. Though, she did need a little coaxing from us in the beginning. She was afraid to play this year b/c she was going to have games and feared she wouldn't do well. This was part of our determination talk.

She hustled at every game. Some kids would just walk or slightly jog. Azure sprinted. She was intense. It was awesome for me and Charles to see her out on the field. Joy in our posterity :)
We talked about switching between art/creative classes and sports. Right before this Azure took 4 wks of violin and seemed to like it. I think we'll pick it back up in a few years. I don't think she's ready (or me either, let's be honest) for intense practicing of an instrument and the violin is pretty serious. Now, that soccer is over we might start piano lessons or do some more art lessons in Jan. We definitely only want to do one lesson at a time. We don't want to overschedule our children. It's going to be a delicate balance I'm sure, once the other children get older and start lessons of their own.

We were really touched when 2 of Azure's friends showed up at her game to support her. Obviously, we don't have any family here and no grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins have ever seen her play soccer. We have been blessed this last year to have the Bryces and Saavedras as our family here. We love them so much!

And I love this little guy!

Fluffernutter break

Azure was the only girl on her team. The boy on the far left's name is Charles Jensen. We all had a hoot with that. Esp since he is Filipino :)

 You did a great job this season Cub, we're so proud of you!

Talk like a pirate day

We found out Krispy Kreme was giving away a box of free donuts to those who dressed like a pirate and talked like a pirate. Apparently it is an official holiday per wikipedia on Sept. 19. The day before we had seen a presentation at the library about how to make your own Halloween costumes. This very much intrigued Azure. So, when I told her about the free donuts she was all about putting together a pirate costume with what she had on hand. I was very impressed. She put almost all of this together by herself with minimal help from me. This turned out to be a great homeschool lesson :)

Homeschool

Are you wondering how homeschool is going?

People have been asking and this is what I've been saying, "It's good and bad."

Some days have been amazing, like when we did our scripture study together and said she wanted to keep reading. We read her favorite Book of Mormon story about Nephi cutting off Laban's head (plus our previous lesson) for a total of 30 mins, each taking turns reading a verse. Precious, precious moments.

Other times she has been so defiant that I've threatened to put her in school and told her, "I don't want to homeschool you anymore." (which I'm not proud of, but I want to be real on the blog) to which she responded with, "I knew you hated me!" Ugh.

We've also had a lot of fun together. Part of her daily assignment is to read for 15 mins by herself. She usually picks books from the library that she wants to read or sometimes she likes to reread her own favorites like The Cat in the Hat. I love to see her curled up on the couch reading and I especially love to watch her read books to Vince. Except for when he can't see the picture and grabs it out of her hand and she gets mad and then they start fighting. Life is full of bliss and hell every 5 mins. I never noticed that so much as I do now as a mother.

She tends to give up easily, so we talked about determination and what it meant to keep trying even if you make mistakes. After our talk I found this written on her notebook and was really touched. I need this advice as much as she does.

Charles has done a number of science projects with her since he's the science guru. She loves them!

 This post was critical in helping to change my perspective about homeschooling. As bad as it gets some days I can't deny that this is what we are supposed to be doing this year. I have learned so much about myself. I also know that when we decide to homeschool our children again in middle school that it will be a little less intimidating now that I've at least done it once.

Right now we feel good about putting her into public school next year so, I will try to enjoy this last year at home with her, even on bad days.

Catch Up: Azure's birthday and party

On Azure's actual birthday (Thursday, June 21- she was born on a Thursday so we've already come full circle) she had art camp. I made cupcakes for her to bring to class. That was when I was sick and hadn't cooked in almost 2 months. I didn't have any oil except extra virgin olive oil so I used that. It didn't taste so bad with the frosting added to it, but definitely a distinct flavor w/o frosting.

That night for dinner we went to Chuck E Cheese at her request. We had talked about going for the past 2 yrs and still never had done so. Her birthday seemed like the time to finally make it happen. The Saavedras joined us (minus Brian who was deployed).

She loved it! Their pizza wasn't as bad as I remembered and their salad bar was actually pretty good. This was extremely important to me, being sick at the time.

Skee ball with Daddy

Vince had this strange fascination/fear of Chuck E. He asked Charles to keep letting him see him, but held onto Charles for dear life.

you can see Vince's sweet curls here really well

Then on Saturday we had Azure's party. She chose a Strawberry Shortcake theme. For the first time I bought her cake. With me being sick, there was no way I was going to attempt to make it myself.

It was a pretty simple party. A few close friends (Josie & Lily Clark, Tyla & Tessa Bryce, Addi & Colton Saavedra), swimming, water balloons, food, cake, and presents (though I debated asking for no presents). A great way to celebrate not only Azure's birth, but summer solstice as well. I think it's kind of fun that when I was in high school I used to orchestrate a summer solstice activity (at least a couple years) involving having a bonfire at Huntington Beach with my friends. Now, on summer solstice I orchestrate a birthday party for my first born. I celebrated her birthday even before she was born :) God is most definitely in the details of our lives. AND my Mom's birthday is the very next day.

Sweet and spirited

The other day a friend of mine said, "You know what I really like about Azure? She is so kind and sweet yet, she's not a push-over. She doesn't allow herself to be taken advantage of."

I just laughed. Knowing that she gets this from me (the not allowing herself to be taken advantage of, not so much the sweetness perhaps ;) and that it is most often displayed as a weakness (in myself) and NOT a strength made me realize how closely related our strengths and weaknesses are.

Last Friday night Charles and I had a "stay-at-home date". He made cookies and we rented a movie. Charles has some mad baking skills by the way. We watched Sarah's Key. It's about the Holocaust and not a light movie. For some reason I was in the mood for a deep, heart-wrenching movie? I liked it but, it was hard to watch. Bawled through parts of it. I know my husband loves me because he gets up to get me tissue whenever I sob uncontrollably :)

I am deeply affected by movies (which is why I am very selective about what I watch including violence and horror) and I couldn't sleep that night. I kept crying thinking about this poor little boy in the movie that looked and acted much like Vince (which made it all the more real for me). I also thought about Sarah, the main character. She was so spirited and determined and escaped a Nazi camp. I thought of Azure and that she probably would have done the same.

Last night we read the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Old Testament. Afterwards we acted it out and Azure said, "Mom, I really loved this story! I think it's my favorite."

I asked her what she would do if someone told her she had to either worship an idol or by burned in a furnace. She said, "I would try to burn them!" Again, I just laughed thinking about the comment from my friend about not being a push-over.

We are about to start homeschool for Kindergarten on Monday! We're really excited about it. I have done a complete 180- going from being opposed to wanting nothing else than homeschooling her (for this year). Originally, we thought homeschool was the only option since she was not able to get into a good school here. Monday I found out that she could in fact, get into the school we wanted her to. But, in that moment I knew homeschool was the best thing for all of us this year. A lot for her, but mostly for me I think.

We love our sweet and feisty 5 year old!

 

 And this little 2.5 yr old, of course!

Real quick

I'm working on updating the blog. It's taking forever. Disneyworld, our cruise, DC, Outer Banks camping..
But, just real quick I wanted to write how grateful I am for Azure. She has done the dishes every day this week without being asked. She genuinely likes doing it. Crazy! 80% of the time the dishes are spotless. I rarely have to re-wash. For someone who doesn't like doing the dishes this is a HUGE blessing!

I love age 5! Love! I really feel like I've hit the jackpot with Azure. I feel undeserving of her a lot of times. I hate that I lose my temper with her sometimes for just being a child. She acts so much like a mature adult sometimes that I forget how old she really is.

Saturday while Charles and Vince were napping I took Azure grocery shopping with me. I debated just going alone but, wanted her company. Usually I am all for going grocery shopping alone, I can get more done, quicker. But, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that taking her with me proved to be an enormous help and I was actually faster than had I gone alone! What?!

In the produce section Azure read my list to me and I ran around bagging all the fruits and vegetables she called out. As I placed them in the cart, she crossed off the items. What a time saver!

My journey through motherhood so far has been dealing with small children. We've just hit a new stage of life. She is no longer a small child- at least not mentally. I really like this new stage!

I was overcome with gratitude for her as I reflected on this experience later on. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but really I am always emotional let's be honest. She is truly one of my best friends and I can only hope and pray that I can be as good to her as she is to me.

We have a 5 yr old?!

5 is such a huge milestone for both the child and the parent. Azure has been talking about going to school since she was 2! We've both been looking forward to her going to kindergarten. Me mostly because I envisioned her at a Spanish immersion school. Funny how plans change. We are staying in Savannah and there are no Spanish immersion schools here. There are actually only 3 good schools in this entire city. GA is one of the worst states for public schools. Sigh.

If we end up buying a house in a good school district then Azure will attend kindergarten in the Fall. If not, we're homeschooling- out of necessity. Hopefully only for kindergarten. We plan to apply to all the magnet schools for 1st grade.

Azure has been such a wonderful helper to me during this pregnancy. Some mornings I have laid in bed only getting up to dispose of the breakfast Charles made and brought to me in the toilet. Vince would wake up and insist on eating. Some days I just didn't have the strength to make him breakfast. I would ask Azure to pour him a bowl of cereal and she would. She even poured the milk! She would get him in his seat, put his bib on him, and snap on his tray. When he was done she would clean him off with wipes, take his bib off, unsnap his tray and then entertain him for me.

She is the sweetest! She has also said many times to me, "Mommy, I wish I could cook for you." And, "Mommy, I wish I could be big enough to wash the dishes for you." She also made Vince many PB sandwiches for lunch. I don't know what I would have done without her help.

Last week for Father's Day she sang, "I'm so glad when Daddy comes home" in Sacrament meeting. She was supposed to sing with 3 other girls but, they all had stage fright and didn't sing. So, it was a solo. And she did a wonderful job! I hope she stays confident in her vocal abilities.

Since the end of May she has been using her carseat as a booster with the lap belt instead of the harness.

She is reading up a storm now and can read the Level 3 books all on her own! We are doing a reading program through our local library where you track the hours you read to get prizes. She reads at least 15 mins a day on her own just flying through books. Her favorite was Frog and Toad All Year. I was just mesmerized listening to her read the entire book alone (it contains 4 or 5 stories within the book). She liked it so much that she read it from beginning to end without stopping. It took her about 30 mins. I am so impressed and proud!

I taught her how to subtract months ago but, we took a break from it and so she had forgotten. Once she relearned it (she resisted at first and insisted she couldn't do it) she was so pleased with herself that she did about 5 pages of subtraction problems in 2 days while I was napping. It is very fulfilling to see her mind working as she figures things out.

Birthday Girl

Last week she attended art camp and came back with some really great pieces of art that are currently taped to our wall in our dinning room. She says she wants to be an artist and go to art school. She does have real talent so we hope to encourage it and give her more opportunities like art camp and private lessons in the future.

She gets mad very easily so I am intentionally trying to not get mad so easily myself at her or at anything because clearly she has gotten this from me (and Charles ;) That will be a life-long endeavor. Wish us luck!

Her testimony of the gospel is growing and she has a real interest in our nightly family scripture study. She loves to sing Primary songs and seems to understand the principles they teach. After learning "Nephi's Courage" she commented on how she too, can be courageous like Nephi when she's scared. Sometimes she'll tell me about Joseph Smith's first vision or Moses crossing the Red Sea. I'll play devil's advocate sometimes and ask her how she knows those things happened.
"Well, I was in heaven and I saw it happen."
"That's true, but do you remember?"
"No."
"How do you know then?"
Pause. Thinking. "Because I feel it's true in my heart."
"Me too. I can feel it."

I can't believe 5 yrs ago Charles and I were just starting the journey of parenthood. It was rough. We have learned so much and know we have even more to learn. We're so grateful for our sweet Azure Marie. We need her just as much as she needs us. We love you, Cub!