Catch up

A couple days last week I just laid in bed and threw up while the kids watched hours upon hours of movies and PBS Kids. Ugh. I hate days like that.

So, I am posting some of our fun, family outings that we did before the onset of this illness to remind me that I actually do get my kids out of the house to do fun things.

Like celebrate Earth Day! We picked up trash in our neighborhood for Family Home Evening. Azure loved it so much she wanted to pick up trash everyday afterwards.

Vince just chilled in the stroller since we were close to the road.

We went strawberry picking at Ottawa Farms on April 28th. That was the first day I started taking zofran.

This cute girl wanted to wear her strawberry shirt to the strawberry fields.

I should mention how my heart went out to Anna and Nick Fillipello (my great, great grandparents) who were strawberry pickers in Independence, LA when they first came from Sicily. It is NOT an easy task to pick strawberries in the blazing heat. And they did it all day long. Bless them.

Playing in the backyard.

 And that's all I have time for now.

Sweet and bitter

Most of you will remember my post about my miscarriage back in January. And you might remember the revelation I received about having that same spirit in my arms by the following Christmas. I wrote:

"The nurse asked me when I had had a positive pregnancy test. "Christmas morning," I replied. She turned her head to look at me and sighed, "Oh, I'm so sorry." I was touched by her empathy and as tears filled my eyes I had the thought that by next Christmas we would have our baby- that the tears of sorrow I had shed would be restored to tears of rejoicing next Christmas as I would have that same spirit in my arms."

I wanted to have faith that it was indeed the Lord that put that thought into my mind but, I doubted that maybe it was just me, that I made it up because I wanted it to be true. The day came for me to take a pregnancy test. If it was negative, then I had made it up. To my shock, it was negative. It seemed like it would be perfect timing for so many reasons including the fact that we would be going on a cruise right during the time my morning sickness would be at it's worst, to help me take my mind off it all. (The Lord has always provided a major trip for me during my sicknesses to help me manage. With Azure, I went to San Francisco for a work trip. With Vince I filmed the Generations Project and went to Girls Camp for a week AND stayed at Charles' parents for a month which meant I didn't have to cook. That was the best!)

I just couldn't understand. The next day we went on a mini field trip downtown with Theresa and her kids to visit some of the historic squares and make a trip to the Savannah Bee. One of the squares had a fountain, so feeling like a fun mom that day I gave each child a penny, including one for me and Theresa too, and told everyone to make a wish.

The next day Azure and I were in the kitchen and she mentioned something about the baby and then said very sincerely, “Mom, that’s what I wished for with my penny.” I was completely overcome. “You wished that I would have a baby in my tummy?” I asked close to tears. “Yes.” “So, did I Cub.”

A couple days later I took another pregnancy test and it was positive! Talk about an emotional rollercoaster week! My due date is Dec. 21, Azure's half birthday, 4 days before Christmas. I am usually late but, because I felt the baby would be born by Christmas I am hoping no later than Dec. 25. 

I was very nervous waiting to feel sick. When my first wave of nausea hit a couple days before my 6 wk mark, I was very grateful because I knew it meant the baby was okay. But, this is still a very hard time for me. I have been throwing up everyday for the past week now. And every other day since May 1st. Gratefully the most I've thrown up is twice in one day. I have what is known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum but, it is controlled with zofran. If I wasn't taking zofran I would be in pretty bad shape and would most likely have to be hospitalized. 

I start throwing up within an hour if I skip a dose. I cannot cook. Cooking meals makes me throw up. I have to eat out everyday for lunch and dinner. It gets really expensive. The first trimester when I was pregnant with Azure was one of the darkest, most depressing times of my life. It has gotten a little better each time because of zofran and because I know what to expect. 90% of the times I throw up is psychological. That is how I got interested in hypnosis because I started associating everyday tasks with throwing up and sure enough when I did those things I imagined, I would throw up. 

Of course, when we were on the cruise I didn't throw up at all because I had all kinds of yummy food at my discretion laid out in front of me that I could eat anytime I wanted. And because I was relaxed and enjoying myself with Charles without children! When we got off the boat I started to worry about where we would eat next. I also started thinking about taking care of the children again and how demanding that was and wondering what the house was going to smell like when I walked in. Vomiting for me is definitely a product of anxiety. When we finally stopped for lunch I threw up. 

I know everyone experiences morning sickness differently. Some women have it even worse than me and experience it the whole 9 months. My heart goes out to them. I know some women who just feel nauseous and never throw up who have told me, "I wish I could throw up because then it would make me feel better." I will tell you that throwing up does not make me feel better. This is pregnancy, not the flu. The nausea doesn't go away. Throwing up everyday is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. 

I take comfort in knowing that this will end soon. I also take comfort in knowing that my Savior knows exactly what this feels like, even as a man. And that because I have covenanted with Him and Charles to bring children into this world that He will not leave me comfortless in that endeavor. The more I sacrifice for those I love, the more I love them. As crappy as this is some days, I do glory in my body and the miracle that we can have another child. Azure talks about her all the time (she is convinced it is a girl) and she already loves her so, so, much. As do I and Charles. And I'm sure Vince too even though he is oblivious to this all. It is overwhelming to think about how much this little baby will be loved right from the beginning. It will be the best Christmas present ever!

Traveling updates

Time is getting away from me it seems.

Charles' parents came to visit! It was the first time his Dad met Vince! We went to Disneyworld. And we're heading to the Bahamas tomorrow for our anniversary cruise, without the kids of course.

Just a quick update on Vince... He's been going down the stairs feet first, instead of sliding backwards for about a month now. He is talking more. He is extremely vocal and loud. I wonder if it is a boy thing. Azure was never that loud. He will constantly repeat whatever it is that he is saying until you repeat him. It drives me absolutely crazy. But, at the same time I look down at him and see his bright, blue eyes and his blonde, curly surfer locks and I can usually dismiss my frustration and just think about how dang cute he is!

And we have even more exciting news. Check out our new ticker up top ;) More details when we get back. We will be having our Christmas miracle and we couldn't be more thrilled though, of course I am feeling like crap. So grateful for Zofran.

Oh, and I haven't made the announcement on Facebook yet, so please make your congratulatory comments here and not there. Thanks!

Springtime Festivities

March and April have been filled with at least one trip to the beach each week on average. Unfortunately Charles has only gone with us one of those times. Less than 2 months now and we are done with this residency. Hallelujah!

The weather has been really nice. Except for when it's gone from 60' one day to 90' the next. That's hard on my sinuses. Let it go on the record how much I love beach weather and how much I love living in a coastal city. I do miss mountains, but if I had to chose between the two, I choose the beach.

Let me go further on a tangent and say that I believe this runs deeper than just personal preference. I truly believe that my love for warmth and the coast is engrained in my DNA. Having ancestors from both islands (Sicily and Cuba) and peninsulas (Spain and France) confirms that I am just not equipped to live too far from a warm coast :)

 

As much as we've gone to the beach, I haven't once brought the camera. Already too much stuff to pack, don't wanna get sand in it.

We even made a trip to Hilton Head complete with swimming and ice cream. Funnest beach trip yet!

I ran another 5K with the young men and women in our ward. It wasn't measured right though so it was more like 2.5 miles instead of 3.1. My new goal in regards to running is to place in a 5K. I still have no desire to ever run a marathon. I prefer speed over endurance. Does that say something about my character? Probably :)

For our preschool group on April 3rd we took the kids (plus more) to our local fire station.  They were more interested in riding the mechanical fire truck than the real one. Typical! It was a lot of fun. Our next trip I think will be to Publix, our favorite grocery store.

Hurry, hurry, drive that fire truck!

Later that night Lindz and I went to the Savannah Music Festival and saw Chris Thile, an amazing mandolin player and singer. I had never heard of him before but, I was swooning by the end of the night. And it wasn't his good looks (he kinda looks like a werewolf!), it was his amazing musical talent. It was such a fun girl's night! After seeing live shows I always chastise myself for not going to them more often. Of all art forms, expressing oneself through music touches me the most. Good, quality, music.

The next day we took a trip to the Botanical Gardens with our adopted grandmother, Lessie Anderson who is 92.

 Before we got there she insisted on buying them some candy. They chose lollipops. Somehow Vince fell in a small pond. Azure was screaming for me and he emerged with leaves and moss on his shirt and a small lilly pad on his head. He seemed a little shocked, but not too shaken up, as he was clutching his lollipop with a tight fist. Once he saw me and realized everything was okay, he stuck it back in his mouth.

I don't know how deep it was but, the very top of his head was wet.

One night after Azure went to bed, I walked up the stairs to see this. It made me cry. I had been having a hard day and this really made me feel loved.

 Then I snuck in her room and took this while she was sleeping.

We saw baby chicks at the hatchery the week before Easter.

And there's more...to be continued.