We moved! Only about 6 miles away but, for some reason it seems so far from everything. So, that's another reason we're behind on the blog. We've spent the last week and a half cleaning, packing, moving, cleaning, and unpacking. And of course, we're only about half way unpacked. Probably not even half way.
And today is Mother's Day. We all read on blogs about how we should be honest and not just post about the great spectacular events in our lives right? So, let's be honest here and I will tell you that this has been the worst Mother's Day. Ever.
Yesterday a "friend" of mine gave me a book. She said she thought I might find it "interesting". She said she noticed some of my interactions with Azure weren't ideal. What she actually said is that it's painful for her to watch some of my interactions with Azure. Really?! Who says that?! So, she thought I should read the book to be a better parent, a better mother. I was floored by this because this "friend" doesn't really know me well. She has pretty much only been around me and Azure when I've been stressed out and yes, I admit I'm not a perfect parent and I get stressed out and react badly. Please tell me I'm not alone. Please! To top it off, she said this in front of another friend of mine and also her husband. I was shocked that she felt it was okay to bring this up, really at all because like I said we are not close, but in front of others?!
I have been pretty depressed since this incident and wonder why she told me this the day before Mother's Day. Couldn't she have waited until after the holiday passed at least? Writing has always been therapeutic to me. I decided to post this on the blog because this is real and I'm hurting and I don't want to keep it bottled up inside. I also feel like I can't talk to my friends about this because I don't want to "gossip" or incriminate her. So, I feel like the best way for me to heal is to share this on the blog since you don't know who she is and give me some advice.
13 comments:
Yikes. That sucks. I would think the hardest, best thing you can do is try not to let pride get in the way of learning from the book and the [unrighteously judgmental] friend, even though you're probably mostly doing an awesome job as a mom. And I'll bet Azure would still prefer you to anyone else in the world.
Wow. I'd definitely distance myself from that person! Return the book or toss it if it makes you feel better. :) I've had people recommend parenting books just generally/in passing, and I always go to Amazon.com to read reviews and most of the time think "Wow. That book really doesn't agree with MY parenting philosophy." Every parent is different. Every child is different. So, take what this person said with a HUGE grain of salt... because I'm not even geographically near you, and I know you are a great mom! :)
I'm sorry that happened. Moving is sooo stressful in itself and agree with Stefani's comment. You are a wonderful mother and only you can know how to best parent the spirits you've been entrusted with! Hope your week is better than the weekend!
Oh, I forgot to add that yes, we all have "less than ideal", "hope our children aren't scarred from this" moments...nobody is perfect, if we were, we wouldn't be here anymore:)
Oh. I am so sorry Deanna. I don't really know what I would do about this situation. I think there is something to be said for people's different parenting philosophies and social ideas in general... I feel like you are an awesome mom and always seem to be trying to try your best to do fun and important things with your kids. I also credit some of your stress to moving. Moving is SO stressful. Really, all I can say is, I am sorry.
I'll write you an email about the rest of this, but I do have a question about the first half--why did you guys move?
I hate moving. I've been rearranging my room lately (in major ways) and while it feels really good and is a great change--just the minor similarities to moving make me feel nauseous. My current goal is at least 1 year in one place--I've done it once in the past 12 years and I'm ready for a repeat of that.
Oh my goodness, I can't believe this happened to you and I am so sorry. I had a similar experience about a year ago, but I thought the person who gave me the book needed just as much parenting help as myself, so I just set the book aside and figured I would thumb through it when I really felt like I needed a new creative approach. From every interaction I have ever had with you in person or on your blog I have been left feeling uplifted and and I have always thought you are a great parent. I believe that we are blessed with the children we have for a reason and nobody else is going to know better than the parent how to care for them if we are parenting with love, patience, and a lot of prayer. In Sweetwater County where I live there are over 700 children in foster care. Your kids are so lucky to be in a home where they have a mother and father to put them to bed every night, to teach them good and correct principles and virtues, and to love them to pieces. You both are great, so don't let one critical comment get you down. (I know easier said than done.)
Just wow!! Deanna, you are an amazing mother. I'm not just saying that either. I read your blog and so admire the things you teach your kids and the things you do with them.
Stress happens! I think we all lose it sometimes and handle situations less than ideal, but that's why we're here right? To improve and be better tomorrow.
I'm so sorry. That's so crazy that someone would be even do that let alone in front of other people. Don't stress about her opinion, it obviously isn't a very valid one. I'm sure if you asked your cute kids they'd tell you how wonderful you truly are!!
There's nothing worse as a parent to have someone tell you you're bad at it. They don't have your child, aren't you, and really have to right to judge you based on a few "bad" times. It always seems like those "bad" times happen in public, when it's easier to lose it because of embarrassment and frustration. UGH.
You're amazing and wonderful and you know what's best for your kids. I don't know what I'd do with the book. Hang in there. You're doing great. That person obviously doesn't know what being helpful really is. *HUGS*
Wow! That's crazy. Well here is some truth from me. Every mom has their moments and we all try to be better. I can not tell you how many times I have read your blog and thought, "I need to be more like Deanna in how I parent my daughters." So true!!! I always look to you for an example and it is only through the blog since I am not close to you. So you keep doing what you are doing and inspire me to be better!!
Oh you are so not alone. I also think that motherhood is ridden with guilt. The could of, would of, should of. Don't we do that to every situation--I could have done this better, I should have done this, what would have happened if I could have done this? While I am trying to go to sleep I think of all the moments I lost my temper and it makes it really hard to relax and fall asleep. Our best is all that we can offer. AND some days "stressed" interactions are the best we can offer.
I know you don't use that as an excuse. You love your kids and you are always trying to improve. I know we aren't super close but I think I do know you well enough to know you are always trying.
I think you are a great mother. Sincerely. I wouldn't say it unless I really meant it. I come to your blog for inspiration and direction and I always leave with something to help me improve teaching my children. Right now I am thinking of the video where Azure is saying one of the articles of faith by memory. You are a righteous mother!
I've just been looking through your blog and came across this! I can't believe this happened to you of all people! As I've read your blog and saw you interact with Azure during our photo session I could tell what an amazing mother you are! And no one's perfect! I lose my temper with the kids more than I should! But I love them more than anything as I'm sure you did. Some people just don't get it and those people should keep their mouths shut! Hope you are feeling better!
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