Almost time to say goodbye to 3

Azure will be 4 next month. It seems like we just celebrated her 3rd birthday and crammed all her friends into our little condo. She's overdue for a post of her own highlighting her quirks and development.

Almost every time she prays, she starts with, "Henly Father, thank you that we could have a good time." Then she usually adds, "thank you that we could follow God's plan by getting baptized" or "by getting sealed in the temple." Charles and I don't say these things in our own prayers, so this is all her. In February we learned the song, "I Will Follow God's Plan" in Primary so I think since then she's been saying that.

If we are about to eat something she really enjoys she'll say, "thank you for this delicious, yummy ______." And then she'll giggle and peek through one eye. Of course, I know this because laughter is a cue for me to open my own eyes during a prayer so I can see her cute face. But, let's be honest and I'll admit I rarely keep my eyes closed for the duration of an entire prayer anymore since having children.

Azure has been writing, spelling, and reading like crazy. She especially likes to spell her and Vince's name with any kind of letters she can find.

 "Hot tHe Dog" wrote and came up with this all on her own

Since moving into our new house I have loved watching her from the kitchen window prancing around and talking to herself as she plays in the backyard. One of those moments I wish I could freeze in time. It's something I want to remember about her childhood. I wonder if she'll remember this house (assuming we'll only be here for a year). I wonder if she'll remember our old place. I couldn't help but tear up when I went by there last week to show it to a potential renter. I stood at her bedroom door and remembered so many things. The raucous laughter, the furious screams, the songs, the cries. Without the bitter, we really can't know the sweet. A hard thing to remember when we're in the bitter. So hard.

She wanted to take a picture in her old chair. Here's what she used to look like in it.

She can make the silliest faces thanks to Daddy!

 My personal favorite (above) Banana split cupcake

She is so her father's daughter! I love this girl.

Chunka monk

*Vince gets a post today because 2 yrs ago this very day we found out we were pregnant with him! 2 yrs ago, wow!*
Today as soon as Vince woke up he signed "Dad" and said "Dada". I was so proud. This is the first time he's done a sign so clearly while saying the word simultaneously. He can sign dog too, but he says "da"  so it's not as clear.

We also found out the cause of his incessant whininess- a bottom right molar with the left one close behind. We noticed it on 5 de Mayo. That makes 7 teeth now. (I seriously don't remember Azure being this whiny at this age. Maybe I have Mommy amnesia? He was the calmest baby until 11 months.)

I am hoping that he walks soon because I think he'll learn to be more independent and not so clingy with a new-found skill. Maybe?

He has taken to books in the last few weeks like crazy.  Now that he has his own room I've been reading more to him in the glider before naptime. When reading "Goodnight Moon" to him I always tickle his tummy when I say "goodnight bears". I always did that to Azure when she was a baby and I realized how ingrained it was for me because I found myself doing it to Vince even though I haven't read the book consistently for about 2.5 yrs now. Today while the 3 of us were in his room putting laundry away, he was flipping through the book and when he got to the "goodnight bears" page, he tickled his own tummy and began to laugh. Oh, it was the cutest thing!

When I pointed to a cow in a book the other day he said, "Moo." He also attempted to say his first Spanish word, "globo" (balloon) at Publix on Saturday. I asked him, "Donde esta el globo?" His eyes darted around until he found it and then he pointed to it and said, "babo." (sounded more like bubble)

This picture reminds me of when Charles and I were engaged. One night we were talking about our future life together and in my mind's eye I saw a little boy with blonde, almost white hair, blue eyes and dimples shaking his head and saying, "No, no, no!" I still don't know if it's Vince (because he doesn't have much hair) or if we have another little boy waiting for us. No, I'm not pregnant by the way :) But, the pic above reminds me of that boy I saw.

Get me out of here!

Blocks are his absolute favorite. Playing with blocks is usually one of the only things that he can do independently for the longest period of time (2nd being watching Baby Signing Time). He loves putting them in the laundry baskets, the trash can, boxes, any kind of container. I find blocks in the most random places because he crawls all around the house hiding them.

When he finds a brush he immediately starts brushing his hair while looking at me smiling like he's so funny.

 Playing trains w/Addison, Kayden, and William

 Green smoothie 'stache. He LOVES green smoothies!

Corn! (said like a crow)

He is the world's best snuggler! Sundays are a bit difficult as I am Primary chorister and Charles is the clerk. Neither of us can really take him because we each have our callings to fulfill so he ends up getting passed around to the Primary presidency which he does NOT like. There have been a few weeks where he was so hysterical that they had to take him out of the building. Whenever I go "rescue" him after I'm done, he buries his head in my neck and lays it on my shoulder and hugs me tight as if to say, "Don't ever let me go again, Mommy!" And when it's bedtime or naptime he does the same and snuggles me tight. Azure was not a snuggler at this age- she was always on the go, rarely even wanting to be held. If she did it was only for a few seconds and then she'd be wriggling out of my arms to go run around again. Every child is indeed different!

In Cherokee, NC

Funny stuff

There's too much seriousness going on on the blog so here's something hilarious that Azure just said today and I think it may be one of the funniest things she's ever said.

We were sitting at the table eating lunch while Vince napped. He had been napping for awhile and as we were finishing we heard him cry. I said to her joking but, trying to be very serious:

"Well, Vince is awake now. So, I'm gonna need you to go get him out of the crib and change his diaper. Then you'll need to feed him lunch cause I need to leave."

Her eyes got very big and then she said, "I can't feed him! I don't have boobs!"

And then I busted out laughing.

Thank you!

The Lord never ceases to amaze me. Thank you so much for your loving and supportive words. I appreciate all of them and all of you. So much!

Yesterday my other friend who was the witness called because she felt she needed to talk to me about what happened. I was so relieved because like I said I was apprehensive to talk to others for fear of gossiping. She spoke peace to my heart and validated me and restored my confidence. I immediately felt the burden being lifted and the healing power of the Savior through her words.  I feel that she really was acting as an angel for me, especially since she is in the Relief Society Presidency. The mantle is a very real thing!

Last week I read this conference talk by Elder Richards. As I reread it today, I got much more out of it having gone through so much emotional distress this weekend. Some of my favorite quotes from it:

"The Savior is not a silent observer. He Himself knows personally and infinitely the pain we face."

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16)
 

“He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and...he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy,...that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:11-12)

Perhaps we also need to experience the depths of mortality in order to understand Him and our eternal purposes. ¹³

Elder Robert D. Hales said: “Pain brings you to a humility that allows you to ponder. It is an experience I am grateful to have endured...”

You know, I too am grateful to have endured this pain. (I can probably only say that since I feel so much better now.) I haven't felt so hurt in a long time and it forced me to turn to the Savior in a way that I don't think I have in awhile- so brokenhearted and in a spirit of true humility. It also allowed Charles and I to grow closer together as we felt that this was "our" issue, not only mine. Another testament to me of the power of the marriage covenant in shouldering our burdens. So grateful for this man.

I also (re)learned that the Lord wants me to feel of His love through friends. Had I kept this to myself the healing process would have taken much longer I think. Women truly need other women!

Moving and other stuff

We moved! Only about 6 miles away but, for some reason it seems so far from everything. So, that's another reason we're behind on the blog. We've spent the last week and a half cleaning, packing, moving, cleaning, and unpacking. And of course, we're only about half way unpacked. Probably not even half way.

And today is Mother's Day. We all read on blogs about how we should be honest and not just post about the great spectacular events in our lives right? So, let's be honest here and I will tell you that this has been the worst Mother's Day. Ever.

Yesterday a "friend" of mine gave me a book. She said she thought I might find it "interesting". She said she noticed some of my interactions with Azure weren't ideal. What she actually said is that it's painful for her to watch some of my interactions with Azure. Really?! Who says that?! So, she thought I should read the book to be a better parent, a better mother. I was floored by this because this "friend" doesn't really know me well. She has pretty much only been around me and Azure when I've been stressed out and yes, I admit I'm not a perfect parent and I get stressed out and react badly. Please tell me I'm not alone. Please! To top it off, she said this in front of another friend of mine and also her husband. I was shocked that she felt it was okay to bring this up, really at all because like I said we are not close, but in front of others?!

I have been pretty depressed since this incident and wonder why she told me this the day before Mother's Day. Couldn't she have waited until after the holiday passed at least? Writing has always been therapeutic to me. I decided to post this on the blog because this is real and I'm hurting and I don't want to keep it bottled up inside. I also feel like I can't talk to my friends about this because I don't want to "gossip" or incriminate her. So, I feel like the best way for me to heal is to share this on the blog since you don't know who she is and give me some advice.

We're alive

I hate to get behind on the blog; but when you don't have access to your pictures or to the internet for that matter it's kind of hard to blog.

April has been good and bad. As most months are right? It was hard having Charles away Sun night-Fri night for his rotation in Cherokee, NC for 4 wks. It was hard not having a car for 2 weeks. One of those weeks Vince had croup and it was raining all week so we couldn't go outside or have anyone over. It was hard trying to find a place to live without him here.

It was good to spend lots of time with friends who stepped in as my family since Charles was gone. It's a good feeling to know that I finally have a good group of friends who I feel comfortable with and can rely on for help. It's been since 2006 that I've had a really good group of friends and the lack of such has made me somewhat subconsciously depressed. I thrive on having good, close (emotionally and proximity) girlfriends. It's not a blessing I take lightly since it's been 5 yrs.

Vince has been in a tough stage. He has major separation anxiety and screams like someone is chopping his legs off when I leave the room. To be honest, it is driving me insane. And he's been doing it for about a month now. Azure has been pretty pleasant. A post to come on just her development but, she has overall been a joy to be around and especially with Charles gone this past month I've realized again what a good friend she is to me. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her when I'm not stressed about doing something else and we have lots of fun. We just lay on her bed and laugh and laugh. Those are moments I so treasure as a mother.

Spring is already over here. On my birthday there was a huge hailstorm and it killed almost all of the azaleas. And then the heat killed off the rest the following week. We only had them in full bloom in our complex for about 2 wks. Sad.

Azaleas in all their color varieties

We did get a bit of spring planting in ourselves. Though our basil never grew. Our oregano we planted 2 yrs ago is doing fabulous.

These only lasted one week. I have a lot to learn about planting and soil types. One day I will have a beautiful, landscaped flower bed. One day.

I bought Azure this darling Easter dress that I obsessed over getting for weeks. And then I didn't take a single Easter photo! Not really sure why that didn't occur. Really regretting it now. I also didn't take pics of the cute Easter "baskets" (take-out boxes) that I arranged on Easter morning. Lame!

We were in Cherokee for all of Easter/Holy week. In the cabin I arranged all of the pictures of Christ's last week on earth from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday against the wall from the Gospel Art Kit. It looked beautiful. Again, I failed to photograph it.

However I did manage to take pics of the bunny cottage we built and of our Easter eggs we dyed for FHE. Though, we didn't do an egg hunt this year.

Easter itself was wonderful. Jen and I sang "Beautiful Savior"  in Sacrament and Lucy Elam accompanied us on the flute for the 3rd verse descant. It sounded lovely.

We had Easter dinner at the Garners with some close friends- the Bryces, the Georges, the Saavedras, the Olsons, and even the Bishop. We read the Easter story in the plastic eggs again.

14 months

March was a good month for Vince developmentally.

About 2 weeks ago as I was nursing him to sleep on my bed we heard a dog barking outside through the open window. He looked at me wide eyed as to say, "What's that sound?" I said, "Dog. Do you hear the doggie?" Then I barked and lifted his hand to pat his hip to make him do the sign for dog. Then we heard the barking again and he signed it all on his own!

Since then he's done it almost everyday and says "da" as he does it! He's also said "nana" for banana, "da" for duck, "ma" for more (or mas), and "ba" for ball. He is really trying to repeat the words I teach him. He is also really trying hard to say Azure. It is so sweet. Yesterday morning he woke up before her and pointed at her door and said, "Auhr". Then he crawled over there and started pounding on her door to wake up. Usually I would try to stop him from waking her up but, I needed her to entertain him so I could make breakfast. That has been the perk of having 2! He also makes the "ticka ticka" sound. Azure did this same sound at this age and it's fun to relive. So, in essence he now knows 9 words! Including the previous Dada, Mama, and Hi.

Besides verbal development he's also learned to cruise around! He climbs over all obstacles in his way. He can stand on his own but, has yet to take any steps. He likes to pull to a stand on my legs and then bite me. We have no need for a puppy :)

Still only 4 teeth which is weird because he and Azure got teeth at almost the same exact time (7.5 months) but, at this age she had about 6 teeth and I think even molars? Though, I'm having trouble remembering.
*Update* Just a day after I post this of course his 5th tooth has sprouted! It's the top right eye tooth.

This is our dinner celebration of the Feast of St. Joseph which includes Pasta con Sarde. But, since Charlie can't handle eating sardines I used tilapia instead. My great great grandmother Anna (who is mentioned in my episode of The Generations Project) loved celebrating The Feast of St. Joseph. So, we did it in her honor.

An update on nursing- I think he's finally on a good nap schedule of taking 1 nap a day about 3.5 hrs after he first wakes up in the mornings, usually around 11am to noon. And usually for 1.5-2 hrs long. So, I've dropped down to nursing him 3x a day- in the morning, at naptime and at bedtime. He usually wants to nurse later in the afternoon but, I have just been giving him organic whole milk in his sippy and he's usually content with that.

Later this month I may try to go down to just 2x a day, either omitting the morning or naptime feeding. But, I feel pretty good with just 3 times a day now!

Awhile after he turned 13 months we put him in a new carseat (Azure's old one). Though, he's still rear-facing for now.  He was sick last week with croup and he still only weighed 19 lbs 14 oz.