I'll Love You Forever

I remember the first time I knew for certain that I wanted to be a mother. It was in 4th grade, Mrs. Prince's class. Our classroom was combined with another 4th grade class, Mr. Beckley's. On this occasion, we combined together in the middle of our classrooms and had story time, maybe it was for Mother's day 1990. I would have been 9. Either Mrs. Prince or Mr. Beckley read, "I'll Love You Forever" to us. I had never heard of it before but, I remember as they read I was moved to tears. I was so deeply touched by it's message and felt such great love for my own mother and also a longing in my heart for my future children.

We drove by Azure's school this evening on our way to drop Charlie off at the trail head for his solo camping trip. This wave of nostalgia washed over me. It won't just be Azure's school come August. It will be Vince's too. And, to quote Azure "it will be Zekiel's school, too if we stay here long enough." School starts in 2 months. Time is going by quickly, yet as I wrote in my last post, it doesn't go by fast enough sometimes.

Time is such a strange phenomenon. The paradox of it speeding by and dragging on boggles my mind. The honest truth is sometimes I dread being a mother. It's so overwhelming and thankless some days. So much pressure to raise these needy human beings into something magnificent, when I myself am lacking. So many interruptions. Too much whining and noise. Yet, nothing in this world means more to me than being a mother, other than being a wife.

I know that as women we have a divine longing to nurture children that we inherited from our Heavenly Mother. But, just as anything, this feeling waxes and wanes at times. Though we can not deny that it is there underneath the frustration and confusion. Motherhood matters. Marriage matters. Today is a sad day in history for the United States. The divine institution of marriage has been redefined by our government in the name of love and tolerance.

In college, a lot of my major focused on The Family: A Proclamation to the World. I love that document and I believe it to be the word of God Himself. I want my children to know that I will love them forever and that I will forever do my best to live and defend the teachings of Jesus Christ including "maintaining and strengthening the family as the fundamental unit of society."