You don't know, what you don't know

A couple wks ago Charles got off early from work. We had just pulled up to visit him there, so I took advantage of the opportunity and had him take all 3 children home and I drove his car to do some shopping. My friend Courtney is an interior designer and I recently hired her to come help me re-design our living room and bedroom. Let me just say that again: I hired an interior designer. I have always wanted to hire an interior designer. Rearranging furniture and deciding on coordinating items for rooms is not a talent of mine. I can peruse Pinterest all day and find hundreds of things I like but, have no clue how to even make it work in my own home. Regardless if there is a tutorial.

So, Courtney and I went looking for some things together and she offered some advice as we looked at chairs. I took notes.

When I went back to look by myself, without 3 kids all over me, I felt like I had uncovered a part of me that has been dormant for a very long time. It felt so liberating to go to 6 stores in 2 hrs and GET STUFF DONE. In the middle of the day, I might add. I usually can go somewhere at night when they're all in bed but, by that time I'm exhausted. I would be lucky to go to 2 stores in that time had I taken the kids. Loading and unloading the carseat. Buckling and unbuckling. And it takes about 5 whole minutes to buckle Zeke in b/c of his ninja moves. He grabs the buckle with full force, thrusts it into his mouth, and will not let go. It's a literal tug of war, wrestling match every day with him.

I have not had enough brain space to think about how to decorate my house previously. Sure, I've had fleeting thoughts about it, but, never enough time to invest in actually doing something or the money either. I have been changing at least 1 diaper everyday for the past 6 yrs now! Usually, more than 1, but at least one. Every day. A lot of times I feel not only is my body not my own, but neither is my mind. I'm not allowed to sit and think without being constantly interrupted.

It is liberating to spend time cultivating interests and talents of mine that don’t involve the children. If you were to ask me how I’m doing with 3, I honestly would say, “Good.” I mean, it is a lot but, I don’t feel like I have PPD. It's such a blessing that Charles is so helpful and supportive now, too. I like not having a newborn while he's a student or resident :) But, I do have days when I just want them all to go somewhere else. Such is the life of a mother with small children. I know. And, I know I chose this, and I am happy with that decision. I'm just being real. This is hard. Having 3 at home is hard. But, at the same time 3 feels easier than just 1 did. Isn't that strange?! It's so nice to have Azure help me out with Vince and Zeke.

It's also nice to have like-minded mothers as friends who know and understand the value of some mommy alone time, instead of being judged for that. (One of the things that led to my depression that I am still recovering from.)

So, anyways I know I will get more me time in a different stage of life, but that doesn't mean I have to forgo it all now for a later date. If mommy has some time to herself, then everyone is happy :)

I originally saw this chair last week at Home Goods for $250. That was just a bit too pricey for our budget. I settled for another chair that I liked but, wasn't crazy about the color like this one.  Then, I went back to Home Goods Thurs night and it was on clearance for $175! The first thought that came to my mind was, "The Lord loves me!" This is my favorite color, yet we have very little of this color in our living room. I'm grateful that the Lord cares about the little details in our life. Just looking at this chair makes me happy.

And, I was reminded that my desire to create a comfortable, cozy home where the spirit can dwell and is inviting to others is something that He cares very much about.

I'll post again when we're all done with this room!